Suicides

The first time when I heard someone saying “suicide” was during my class tenth, when one of my friends told me that one of our classmates had committed suicide. That guy used to sit besides me.

I wondered what prompted him to take such a drastic step even as the results were still to be declared.

The thought evaporated over the years but comes back as I read or hear about people committing suicides through the newspapers or news channel. The number of people committing suicides has gone up and some of the reasons may even baffle you.

Growing up, we are all taught the winning ways but are left alone when faced with a setback. Has the society reached to such a level that failures are simply not acceptable? As it is said “Success has many fathers, Failure has none”.

Committing Suicide is like taking the easy way out. Not facing the people who keep reminding you that you have failed, lost your job, are unemployed and other numerous taunts that becomes unbearable for some. Has the tolerance level of today’s individual’s stoop so low that they just cannot accept failure and try again?

No one can really understand the predicament of such an individual who contemplates such thoughts or is it that we never try to when they try to reach us out?

People today have become so closed-up that some of them actually think twice before they lay their bare chest open. The love between the family members, friends and others are hardly shown and are kept for occasions only. It needs to be shown everyday in forms of hugs, words and support to show that there are people who care for you so that they can reach out to them when they need the support and help.

No wonder it leaves many people stumped when they hear someone they knew commit suicide as they had never saw it coming.

Suicides by celebrities evoke the same shock as behind the glam life; one could never see the true emotions hidden behind the face. The truth is, there are always signs to see if one can observe it, an individual who thinks about taking such a drastic step often shows withdrawal symptoms which is in contrast to their personalities.

Life is all about living and not about running away when one finds themselves in troubled waters. We need to learn living through our bad times as we do in our good times.

Nothing lasts forever.

It’s just a phase which either makes you realize something you haven’t or gives you enough strength so that you can bounce back, but for that to happen one has to try.

Problems come and go, but life once gone cannot come back again.

Before taking that big step, one should think about their loved ones and what would they be put up through…

Old People

I am reminded of an image of me running away from my grandmother. My grandmother was not keeping well and mom had brought her home to take care of her. Within a few days she had passed away.

She was the last one of my family that I recollect was the oldest among our family. Post that I have met old people among my relatives but hardly any time spent with them.

However a year back, all this changed as I interacted with more of people from older generations, some who were born before India had got its Independence.

I have met almost all kind of people, some who would be open to you, some cranky and then there are people who would like to create a fuss every time so that one pays attention to them.

Its not wrong to say that old age is another form of childhood in itself. I have seen that happen. One thing they like to do is either talk a lot or keep quiet. The one who keeps talking reflects the loneliness that has come up on them. With them, time could just pass by.

There are people who take stock of the situation and handle it pretty well like an adult. Then there are some who are just waiting for their time to come.

I never had grandparents or older people to talk to. When I interact with them, its quite a learning and yes good too as they have the experience that you and I don't. Sometimes I would fail to understand why people would like their parents to live alone on their own while they live with their own family abroad. Old age is an age when a child needs to take care of their parents like they did when we were child. Not everyone does that.

I hope everyone of us is able to take the time out to interact with them, make them feel alive as one knows the clock is ticking. One will never know when you lost your chance. Time is precious.

As a old lady gave a parting shot to me. I was born in Karachi, because of which my family calls me a terrorist. :)

Marriage: Western Ishtiyle

Came across news of Russell Crowe refusing to divorce his wife of 12 years.

I find this news unusual. Mostly, because when was the last time you heard something like this.

It looks like Russell really cares for his wife and would really like to give another try to his marriage. I find it very inspiring coz you never get to hear news like this especially in the western societies.

The concept of marriage in a western society is very different than ours. For them it’s okay to date that starts right from the school which might cause some serious heartburn for girl’s dad over here.

Dating is okay over there and that’s how you end up finding partner for life.

It also does raise a lot of questions.

Like if you are dating from your school days and yes that also involves sex too, would you give all that up for that special woman/man when you can have all the fun and sleep around with anyone you want?

If you are married to the person you love, does it stops your urges of your physical needs or checking out the opposite sex to only wish and act on it after years passes by…

Let’s be honest, marriage asks for commitment when one forgets why they married when years passed by. Unless you can keep the love alive.

I wonder how it works out to stay loyal, committed in their marriages. Otherwise it’s pretty easy to stray outside marriage when lust lingers around you.

Divorce does no good to anyone including the children who carry the scar for the rest of their lives.

There are so many couples who give up too easily when it could have been worked out. Lives are then spent on what if?

It’s nice to see someone trying to work things out.

In the end, even if it doesn't, at least you know that you gave your 100% when you had the chance…

In Search Of God

“People break down into two groups:

When they experience something lucky, group number one sees it as more than luck, more than coincidence. They see it as a sign, evidence, that there is someone up there, watching out for them.

Group number two sees it as just pure luck. Just a happy turn of chance, I'm sure the people in group number two are looking at those fourteen lights in a very suspicious way. For them, the situation is a fifty-fifty. Could be bad, could be good. But deep down, they feel that whatever happens, they're on their own. And that fills them with fear.

Yeah, there are those people. But there's a whole lot of people in group number one. When they see those fourteen lights, they're looking at a miracle. And deep down, they feel that whatever's going to happen, there will be someone there to help them. And that fills them with hope.

See what you have to ask yourself is what kind of person are you? Are you the kind that sees signs, that sees miracles? Or do you believe that people just get lucky?”

— Mel Gibson in the movie Signs

When one visits places of worship, you will find faces deep in devotion praying to the Lord and sometimes making you wonder if your devotion to god is less than theirs.

You will always find people around you showing their blind faith to the extent of keeping fasts, doing certain rituals or following certain customs that shows their love for their god.

The question is does it work? No one knows as they are open to all kind of interpretations. Believers and Non-believers will have their way of proving that.

We all have our experiences from our childhood where we are taught to pray to god who will protect us from the evil and gives us strength in our trying times.

A mental mindset that we also happen to imbibe in our adult age and when questioned why you pray to god, the answer comes out like the ones when we had to by heart the answers to pass our exams.

Question why do you believe in god and do you believe in his existence?

This will draw a blank for a few and others would repeat their answers like a true follower. It does make one wonder if following blindly without understanding/questioning a right thing to do?

If someone was to question why you believe in god, what would be your answer?

A majority of us pray to god for the well-being of our family and yes fulfillment of our desires and protecting from harm. Ever thought that you pray so that you protect your self-interest?

Never must have occurred that probably god wants you to worship them for who they are rather than taking out the laundry list and handing it to him to take care.

The existence of god is a subject that no one would prefer to touch. No one knows how we came into believing in god or in higher form. It’s like theories revolving around the Big Bang that brought our planet into existence. To put it mildly, one would question who came first the chicken or the egg.

Ever thought if god was the figment of imagination of our novel writers in the past who wrote books that today we considered sacred not knowing if truth is all what is written there to be true.

It’s like a book that is published which has its fan following and then their own interpretations and of course versions of what it meant and books on the characters involved.

What though needs to be stated that is we look for ‘hope’ when we pray to god to help us deal with our day to day struggle.

Believing in god gives one courage to and strength to fight the challenges that lay ahead.

It’s up to you how you believe and follow your god as there are no wrong ways but putting blind faith and following rituals/customs without knowing the true meaning is certainly not acceptable.

People often fail to differentiate between god and religion. Religion is man-made and god a mystery.

To find god we need to look deep within us as we find ourselves we find him.

Bollywood And The 100cr Club

Watching Dhoom 3 got me thinking….

Either the film makers think they can get away by showing a movie which has the actors, location, songs, action and supposedly a story to make it work or think the audience won’t notice the sloppy story plot in the backdrop of what the movie offers.

The way one hears about the movie crossing the Rs. 300 crore in box office collections makes one really wonder if you would still call it a good movie given the pot holes in the story plot which looked as part of the crater from the moon.

Movies like these actually makes one wonder about the ride that the audiences are taken into that fails to give you the satisfaction and value for money. Hope you are not the one who bought the tickets at Rs. 900. My heart goes out for you…

When people buy movie tickets, they wish to be enthralled in a world of cinema that capture their imagination by surprise but leave them with the feeling of happiness, sad, humor and engaging the curiosity of their minds by deliberating over the movie while leaving the theatres and thereafter. 

A movie that stays with the audiences long after it’s moved away from the multiplexes for its story, picturization, dialogues or simply for its humor reminds one how good the movie was.

Sadly the recent spate of movies would hardly make any recollection down the years. Though there have been movies that break these barriers but they certainly are very few.

It seriously makes one wonder if enough attention is paid to the basic need of the movie that will draw attention of the audience if the story of the movie is given its space.

Remaking of hit or old movies is certainly not the way to go and will certainly not help sustain the hindi film industry in the long run.

A series of dabba movies will only make the audiences more choosy before deciding to buy a ticket to watch a movie.

Hope there is a change in the trend in the upcoming movies for this year.

Purpose

Even as I am writing this post I am wondering if all of us live our present hoping the best for our future. 

Future towards which we all foresee to have a better life than the present.

The present life becomes a grind between the daily routine and working towards one dream making it a reality in the future.

We all seem to be in a rat race for more money, better living, relationships and so on and on.

Have you ever taken the time out and smelled the roses for a change? However brief the encounter was, did it make you feel alive in your present than working towards the distant dreams of the future.

Do we exist in this planet only to keep ourselves caged in the world that we have built around us or does life has something more to give that’s been ignored in our chase of living our lives where even a day feels short now.

There are no answers here, only a thought that life can mean more than a mere existence of fulfilling our societal responsibilities and desires.

As they say, the truth is out there for those who seek….

The Moral Dilemma

 “To be or not to be” is a question that we tend to have asked ourselves a lot of time when put into situations that requires decisions to be made.

As a child, we are taught the importance of saying the truth. How it’s bad to say lies, steal and do things that harm others intentionally among other values that are taught.

Somehow that stick of moral values which is so upright during one’s upbringing tends to fickle as one enters into the realms of reality as one grows up.

It all comes to do the choices one make and how well the repercussions have been understood to forgo the value of what was taught years ago as “right” 

There may be a few who would stay strong to overcome the greed of short-term gain and there will others who would have fallen prey to such vices as they find themselves embroiled in the materialistic world and would go to any extent to have things go their way.

Moral values does teaches one the right thing to do and how one can lead a upright life and save oneself from the agony of taking wrong decisions which can mess up one’s life.

At the same time, one also needs to question on the practicality of it in reality which we all know cannot be followed all the time. Its only when one finds themselves in a position of such an implication, do they brood over this moral dilemma.

To know the decisions that one makes can best be left to individual choices and the situations that leads to them to take the high road or otherwise.

It’s quite odd though that even after arriving at a decision, one cannot help but wonder what if they had made the other choice? Something that one will never know its outcome as each decision has their pros and cons.

Have you faced any such situations where your heart did not agreed with your mind? Feel free to share.

Do You Know Your God?

I wonder how much do we know about our God about which we hear through folk stories that has been passed down the generation as part of the Indian culture.

Would It surprised you when you come across story that makes the same God act immorally in order to have advantage over the demons that threaten their prowess.

Came across one such story which makes me wonder if at all God to whom we worship are no different than us humans, who make mistakes and then make amends.

 

Of late, have been watching Devon Ke Dev Mahadev soap on TV, when I came across the story of Jalandhar.

 

Had never heard of the story before but did wonder if it’s the same name of the place in Punjab.

The weird part of the story was that a win over the demon could only be possible when the chastity of his wife, devoted to Lord Vishnu was broken. For which, Lord Vishnu appear before her in the disguise of her husband. You can read more about it at this link.

The demon was defeated after that. The question that arises is the way and the length Gods went to win the war. Is it acceptable? Does that mean that everything is fair in the game of life if you are trying to win it?

It also makes me question Indra, the god of the Gods, who has done most of the vices done by humans. Yet he continues to remain the God that he is.

I guess questions are all that I have which is in need of answers. If you have any, please do share your thoughts.

Self Help Books

I am pretty sure that everyone must have read at least one book on self help whose purpose is to guide you to become what you desire to be and most of the times it is to be successful.

I have gone through my share of self help books which believe me more than helping out has only ended up confusing me more about how can one make themselves to be successful.

They all speak of the ways of life that needs to be followed. The path that other people had taken and the choices people made when they came across difficult situations and how they triumphant over it.

To be honest, to read such books and implementing them in one’s life can only be detrimental if one is not clear about what one is looking for.

After going through many self help books, I can only conclude that they make a good read but not for implementation purpose if one is looking for changes in their life one way or another.

I think that when one decides to bring change or work towards bringing changes to themselves or towards others/situation, they need to be honest about it. Truth be told, we should not forget that we are born as humans and not machines where we are trying to perfect our skills so that it could lead to accomplishment of certain goals.

We are born as humans, to live life, experience life and to lose that in our pursuit of our desires to succeed or to be just to see one live a good life is not worth it because every action/thought has a consequence and we should stay aware of the choices that we make.

My own experiences with these books have not been good. I am one who always looks to trying new things but to keep the focus going is hard to maintain. No matter how many books I read to keep myself going, it won’t happens unless I am determined to do so. So in the end it only tells you what one knew in the first place.

The way to get out of that habit is something that cannot be taught and has to be learned as everyone is different and unique in their own ways and have to find a way where they can adapt, learn and apply the changes one wants to see.

Self help books can guide one that yes it’s possible to overcome the challenges that one face in one’s life. It’s up to one how they take it and bring those changes in their life. Only a determined soul will be able to overcome the barriers.

If you are planning to buy a self help book for such a reason, don’t waste your money. You already know what is bogging you down, you just need to find a way to beat it and you certainly can….

Astrology, Puja & Tantriks

I am a strong believer of Karma. As you sow so shall you reap. Still there have been times when I have not seen the same happen. It may take time to for one to pay for their bad deeds, but it will happen. Makes me wonder why I still believe in Karma?

In an Indian family, like a family doctor there will be a family astrologer whose advice is always seek before doing anything. Sometimes people approach them with silly questions like “whether my son will pass with distinction or not?”

I don’t follow astrology much but my family does. Recently it so happened that I was the one who also took part in the ritual of seeking advice of the astrologer regarding some issues. I have never done that before but just to seek clarity, I went ahead. At the end of the conversation with the astrologer, I was asked if I was satisfied. I was not but you cannot say that on the face right?

I still take a very bleak view of what they say unless they start making bang on predictions. Some people follow it very blindly and even take the advice given too seriously. If life could be so easily predicted why the hell people would have still problems in their life?

Then there are pujas that are needed to perform to appease the gods or get rid of some doshas that can be seen in your horoscope. This again makes me wonder; can by doing a puja; things will change for the better? I remember pujas being conducted to appease the rain gods so that there will be good amount of rain downpour which did not happen.

It more looks like the case of satisfying one’s mental thoughts that by doing such rituals, things will improve. Even when they don’t work out people still don’t lose out on their beliefs. Should that be considered as smart or just being plain dumb?

Also heard about people visiting tantriks so that things could work their way or trying to influence people. These are very much part of reality and is quite scary too. If god is supposed to be the ultimate power, who gave these people the right to mess with it and what is god doing about it, for people who have been affected by the same? If you ever head down south in India, these are very much part of people’s lives.

I was even told to wear certain gemstones as a kid and have never done that. It makes me wonder if by wearing a gemstone, can I stop the effect of something bad that is going to happen. There are many people out there who can be seen wearing them. Don’t really know if it makes the difference or not.

Do you think they give us the clarity that we need or is it just better to take life as it comes no matter what?

Fate/Destiny

If someone would have asked me a few years back, if you believe in destiny/fate I would have said no and that it’s in everyone’s hands to shape their future.

Today things do stand different and if I was asked again the same question, I would say yes there is something called destiny/fate. It can make or break your life, can make your dreams come true or shattered at the end of the day.

I have seen a few people fate change. People who have rode high on their luck and some who could go any further as luck was not with them. Don’t really know how fate works but most of the time it comes across as unfair.

Look at the case of Priyanka Chopra who became Miss World in 2000 in spite of giving a wrong answer. Her question was “Who do you think is the most successful woman living today and why?” Her answer was Mother Teresa who had passed away in 1997. Now don’t you think it was unfair for others that they lost out for answering correctly and the one who won had got it wrong? The winning of the crown acted as a stepping stone in the Hindi Film Industry and she did well to capitalize on her opportunities.

The worst that fate had in store of was for Charles Goodyear who lived in the peril of poverty till his death. His invention (vulcanization of rubbers) made the rubbers more durable and it gave him nothing except tragedy. Saw a documentary on him that made me wonder, whether it was all worth it? And yet in the end, success did not come the way it should have…

One wonders what constitutes fate and makes it work the way it does. Sometime no matter how hard you try you still don’t get what you want. Then you see someone who does not even put an ounce of effort and yet they get what they want without really doing anything. Makes one wonder what is good karma and bad karma?

Sometimes, I do wonder if they are ways of testing the people. Then again why the people who work hard to get what they want are put to test and left disillusioned, while the people who put the least effort have it easy and get to eat their cake too. Isn’t that unfair?

No one can understand what happens the way they do. I guess the only thing one can do is to keep trying for what they want.

It's Complicated

I have a question that has been lingering over my mind for quite some time.  I am not sure if I would be able to put it in the right words, but a man gotta try, right?

Do you think that there should be any kind of restrictions on married couples when they go out with their friend of the opposite sex? or to put it more aptly would you have a problem with your wife/husband going out with an opposite sex friend for outings like movie, party, etc. more than once?  Does that amounts to infidelity even though the relationship between them is of “friends”?

I may sound naïve when I put that out, but I do believe most of the people don’t know how to handle these issues.  In a way I am trying to find an answer and a solution too perhaps…

My friend hangs out at times with a married friend of his for movies or simply hanging out.  I asked my friend if her husband knows and he replied in affirmative and I kind of find that weird.  I think anyone would find it suspicious if their partner starts going out with someone else.  I even asked the friend in question if he would be okay with such an arrangement with his future wife and he said no.

 
I can understand the part where one goes out for some work/meeting after long time but when they go out to “enjoy”, do the meaning changes? or is it because we look it in a way that is considered as “immoral”?

 
What are your thoughts on this and how a spouse could handle it in a better way? Would like to hear about it.

 

PS:  On a completely different note, I got a Cherry on Top award from Dreamygal which came as a pleasant surprise :)

Agni Pariksha

 

I have been trying to find a good rational explanation for ages and the ones that were made did not make any sense to me.

Do you agree that in Ramayana, Rama was right in putting Sita through Agni Pariksha to prove her chastity after defeating Ravana? Couldn’t he trust his wife’s words that she protected herself from getting harmed from Ravana?

 

Though I am aware of the various explanations that have been put forward like the Sita kidnapped by Ravana was an “image of Sita” and not her and when she passed through the burning flame, the ‘real’ Sita returned.  Also that it was necessary for Sita to pass through the Agni Pariksha to prove her purity.

I don’t quite agree with it coz when it’s taken in context with the common man. Does it mean that a man who does not trust his wife can make her go through a test to prove her faithfulness?  I know the times were different but the issue of trust is interpreted differently not they way I think most of will do.

On top of that, after clearing the “Agni Pariksha” and going back to Ayodha, she is again send on a second exile when a common man says that he is not great enough like Lord Rama to accept his wife who had lived in another man’s house.

There are various interpretations of the decision taken by Rama to send Sita on exile.  One of them is that he took the decision as a king and not as a husband.  What I fail to understand is why no attempt was made to make the public understand about the purity of Sita and that she was not unchaste as it was made out to be?  Does it not send the message across that if a man thinks that his wife is unchaste he can throw her out of the house especially without proving whether it was indeed the case?

Remember the public opinion is not always right.  If it’s the king duty to look after his people then it’s also his duty to remove any misconceptions that arose within the public.

 

If one looks from Sita’s point of view, she ended up losing her husband and paid for the crime of abduction by Ravana.  It’s no surprise that she took refuge in Dharti mata when Rama came to take her back to Ayodha in case fingers were pointed at her again…

P.S.:  If anyone has better explanation, I am all ears.

Revenge: The Solution?

I was watching the news, when I came across this (see below) and surely the media channels are falling to a new lows in an attempt to report news.

I am not sure if anybody talked to the boy about what he is saying and shows complete lack of apathy from the channel side which goes on to flash news about the boy's vow for revenge.

One can understand the plight of the child who lost his father but trying to cashing on it by covering his admission of revenge is something I think could have been avoided given the situation and the emotions involved. What does a seven year old know about revenge?

It's time that we have media watchdogs, so that such incidents are reported and taken off the air instead of showcasing the lack of sensitivity!!

Regressive Indian Television

My family thinks I should have been born in a foreign land and that I have mistakenly born in India. The reason I watch too much of English movies and soaps. I don’t think I am responsible for that.

If anyone watches the Indian television soaps, one would come to a conclusion that men in India just don’t exist. All the soaps are aimed at women and the men are supposed to stick to sports, news, business (if they have stock investment) and yes of course discovery and national geographic channels if their interests lies in science and nature.

There is hardly any kind of show on the Indian television which caters to the need of the men. I don’t think that leaves me with much of a choice except to watch Hollywood movies and soaps which does not show any kind of bend towards gender.

Only one channel probably comes close that has been able to cater to the needs of the youth in form of reality shows, this does sound a bit of irony considering the fact that the highest percentage of age group population is the youth in India and there is nothing on the television that caters to their need.

I do consider myself lucky that when I was growing up, there were some great soaps on the Indian television with messages and everything shown in a positive way.

The Sundays have never been the same as they were back in the old days which started with Rangoli and ended up with watching Ramayan/Mahabharat which would have the whole family glued to the television set and streets would be empty. I don’t think that is a sight I will ever see again.

There were so many great shows like Giant Robot, Malgudi Days, Nukkad, Vikram aur Betaal, Bharat Ek Khoj, Rajani, Fauji, Param Vir Chakra, Byomkesh Bakshi, Circus, Surbhi and many more that I watched as a kid. Cable channels too had some good soaps in the beginning!

I am still clueless how the Indian television which had such a great start came to a point that regressive soaps replaced it and the only thing that one could imagine is that a women’s past time is to hatch plans against her family on flimsy grounds for personal gain.

As for the men they are reduced to side actors or helping the women in their plots. We are supposed to call ourselves a modern India yet the Indian television represents an orthodox, conservative mentality that should have been best left in the past. I am not really sure if people understand how powerful the television can be in influencing human minds.

Just consider this as an example; Nitish Bhardwaj who played the famous role of Krishna in Mahabharata was treated like God when he visited villages for campaigning elections this was at a time which the reach of the television was still limited to the cities. One could only imagine the kind of influence it would have on the thinking mentality today when these regressive serials reaches in the living rooms of the rural people with a belief that if its on TV then it must be true!!

Why is there such a gross misrepresentation of the modern society in the Indian television? What is funny that all this is done saying that the audience demands such content and that’s why they show it. Do they really think that one can make a fool out of the audience not knowing what kind of crap is being showed? The makers of such shows do seem to live in a different reality.

In a bid to garner the highest TRP’s for the show, they sometimes give the shock effect. Remember the character Mihir Virani (Remember the Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi serial) coming back to life after a public outcry. I am still wondering what kind of audience that would be who would sit and watch crap serials like this.

Off late reality shows seems to be the new fad, with every channel coming out with its own reality show. Reality shows like KBC, Dus Ka Dum are good but some of the reality shows are shown with an attempt to show how low one contestant can fall with all the twisted kind of tasks put in.

To be honest, living life is nothing short of battle that we all go through and at the end of the day; I don’t think anyone would like to watch the same thing over and over again. Unless these reality shows have a point to prove they won’t have a future!!

Who decides to telecast such soaps? They are the guys who apparently have a master’s degree against their education qualification and approve such “narrow-minded” shows that are aired on the channels. For them, TRP’s seem to be more important than showing good content. What I don’t understand how good content can be considered overrated that regressive serials are favored over them?

Though there have been a few exceptions where certain shows have come out with a social motive. I hope that others (makers of the serials) too understand that nothing attracts the viewer’s attention than good content.

Yes, last but not the least, do make serials for the younger generation too and yes men do watch the idiot box when they are at home, so please if anyone is planning to make a show keep that in mind...

BTW, came across a trailer of a new reality show which is nothing short of sadism at its best. Its about couples taking care of a babies. Here is the clip. I think that this should be banned and wonder what kind of parents give away their child to strangers just to earn a few bucks?

This is what we call entertainment?

P.S. Doordarshan channel recently completed 50 years of telecast. I miss those old days!! Koi lauta to woh bete huiye din :((

Appreciate The Effort

I came across a very well written post on why people quit their jobs and I knew I had to write this one.

I remember one colleague of mine saying the words “That’s why people quite their jobs, they are not happy and they choose to move on and keep doing it unless they find one”.

The statement came at a time when I was amusing myself with sarcasm when I saw a mail from the HOD (head of department) asking to explain on an email received from the client side. All this happened when I took a loo break.

Before that an email from the client appreciated my team efforts for delivering in a short time. The HOD also acknowledged our team effort on the same email.

What amused me that day was the way the boss chooses to change sides without trying to find out what happened. It kind of reflects how much trust he has on his own team.

Anyone who has worked would know that the number of your mistakes pointed is always higher than the times your work has been appreciated. I would put that in a ratio of 10:1.

An office environment is nothing short of being in a sports team where everyone’s contributions decide the final outcome. Very few people actually realize this and treat their team in such a way.

I remember doing a presentation in one of the session how an employee morale gets affected with and without feedback being received.

The first stage was about the employee who joined the organization trying to give his best. In the second stage he feels lost when his efforts don’t yield the appreciation/recognition that he was looking for. In the third stage he loses his enthusiasm to give his best which results in bad performance without a feedback. With a feedback, he knows where he stands and gives his best and that gets him rewards & promotions.

In reality, the feedback session is nothing short of being told where one should improve and reminded of their past mistakes. Appreciating an employee rarely happens unless it’s outstanding!! How many of the employees manage to do that?

There is also a perception among the management that if they appreciate the work of the employees, it would send out a wrong sense of hope that they would be moved up the ladder. This is totally wrong!!

Not everyone aims of becoming a leader, how is one suppose to lift a team member’s morale without appreciating the effort he/she has put in, irrespective of the outcome? Does cribbing, pointing out their mistakes are going to make them do things right? The answer is NO.

People choose to work for various reasons, and not everyone is going to follow the office ethics!! It’s a myth if people think it works, no wonder office politics sustains because of the above reason, often finding people who are incapable to inherit the much desired position. Then again, it’s the management who holds the control over how much politics should be allowed to exist.

We end up spending most of our time in office than at home, which only keeps getting longer as one moves up the ladder. It does makes a difference on one’s state of mind on how one is treated.

Everyone likes to be appreciated once in a while. A small pat on the back, telling someone that they are doing a good job goes on a long way to boost one’s morale.

I have observed that unless one does an outstanding work, one’s work will never get appreciated even if it’s a good effort. How many times are people able to deliver outstanding work? Very few!!

Where does that leaves an average employee? No wonder after a certain period of time people quit as boredom sets in and the constant reminder of how bad one is doing.

If one wants employees to stop quitting, start appreciating the efforts not the result, and one could see the difference…

The Review

I saw the TV premier of the movie “Slumdog Millionaire”. There has been a lot of controversy involved around this movie especially the way India has been depicted and the debate brought on by an actor’s blog. Also wanted to watch Frieda Pinto’s acting whether she is good enough to share the limelight with Hollywood stars.

When the movie first released, I hardly felt the need to watch it somehow I had the feeling that the movie was not that good. So ever after winning 8 Oscar awards, I still did not change my mind on watching this movie. When I saw the promos of it being aired on the television, I made sure I watch it to find out the truth whether it deserves the hype or not.

Here is my verdict. The movie failed to make an impression on me and I am glad that I did not go to the theatre. The story of an underdog who goes on to become a millionaire, if one has watched closely enough it is a typical Bollywood dished out movie with a Hollywood style of finishing to add to the overall taste (just like a pinch of salt perhaps).

I am thinking of catching up with the other nominated movies to know how this movie went to win the Oscars. There were heavy contenders as far as I know from the story plot. I am wondering how a movie goes on to win a Best Picture or Best Director award without any members of the cast being nominated for their roles while this was not the case for the other movies nominated under the same categories.

There is no denying in one fact though, the word “Slumdog” will be used as a racial slur against Indians. Regarding the debate that has been brought by the actor’s blog if one has watched enough Bollywood movies; they would realize that the common man is no more part of the Indian society. Most of the movies would show the actor hailing from a rich family and they live in palatial houses, which most of the Indians can only dream of buying. Where is the Amol Palekar who represented the common man? Somehow I have this feeling of him getting replaced by Abhay Deol (with the exception of certain movies). Something that is close to reality and people could relate to. Why is that Hollywood movies tend to be closer to reality whereas ours far away from it?

The movie showed the life of the people who we choose to remain ignorant about. I liked the Taj Mahal scene the most where Mumtaz was said to have died in a road accident. I don’t believe the movie is good enough to win the Oscars; somehow my interpretation of a movie winning an Oscar would be based on how the movie moved one in a certain way and the feeling remaining in the end or making one think even after it had ended. This movie fails to do so.

Frieda Pinto is hardly there on the screen. A 5-10 min role which makes it hard to tell about her acting abilities. I hope she is good enough to get signed by Hollywood. I also hope that she is aware that this won’t last long that coz not many Indians or for that matter Asians do not have things going for them. One’s looks matter a lot. No doubt Ben Kingsley (real name Krishna Pandit Bhanji) who played Gandhi had a longer stint coz no one could not make out, that he was of Indian origin and not white as he is mistaken. Bend It Like Beckham is a good example, the lead star Parminder Nagda got overshadowed by Kiera Knightly who had a small role and went to working in big budget movies. As for Dev Patel, he seemed to carry just one expression through out the movie.

In the end, the real winners were the slum children who played the main characters childhood coz there lives have been transformed in a big way and hope that they are able to make the best out of it and stay on top of whatever comes their way.

I am proud of A.R. Rehman and Resul Pookutty for making India proud :D

Anne Frank

I happened to have finished reading the book “The Dairy of A Young Girl” by Anne Frank a week back. What fascinated me about the book was how remarkably well and wittily she has put her thoughts into her dairy which gives us an insight into her transition from a girl to women and life in the “Secret Annexe”.

Her thought clarity at such a young age (she was thirteen when she started writing in her dairy) astounds me. One could only imagine how successful she would have been had she been alive. She wanted to become a writer after war and there is no doubt that she would have been a successful one!!

She expresses herself so beautifully about what she was going through herself and the constant fear they lived in. I loved the way she indulges on the self criticism and writing about herself like an outsider.

It is real sad that the way her life ended in a Nazi concentration camp. In an ironical twist of fate, her wish came true which she had penned in her dairy: “I want to go on living even after my death”.

Here is YouTube video of Otto Frank (her father) talking about the book:

Do read it, in case you haven’t.

P.S.: In case you don’t know, Anne Frank was the daughter of Otto Frank whose family went into hiding with another family during the World War to protect them from the Holocaust that was taking place against the Jews. The only survivor was Otto Frank who then decided to publish her dairy which went on to sell in many countries and translated for the same

An Ironic Tale

Shot in the back waters of Kerala, one of the most picturesque video and a great romantic song I have come across.

Sung by singer Aslam & Shibani (she features in the video), the song went on to become one of the greatest hits. I find it very amusing that the singer Aslam who sings the whole song was never heard or seen later and on the contrary Shibani who just sings two lines at the end of the song got all the popularity, went on to cut an album and sing in movies too.

I am not sure what exactly happen to the singer but cannot stop wondering about it. Find it very ironical that the person who should have made the most out of it went missing and the one who should not have (considering she sung only two lines) ended up making the most out of it.

Note: I guess some of the you have mistaken that the singer and the model in the album are the same, well they are not. The model in the album is Nakul Kapur while the singer name is Aslam who was never heard again as far as I know...

Dev D in Everyone of US

I watched the movie a month back, the Anurag Kashyap’s version of Devdas and it kind of intrigued me in many ways. This also happens to be the first time that I liked a movie based on the famous Devdas character on whom numerous movies have been made.

I could never understand the fascination of the movie industry with Devdas who only annoyed me as he was the only one who was responsible for pushing away his love and then making himself suffer in pain and still when love came in the form of Chanda he choose to make himself suffer over love.

Watching Dev D, I observed something in Devdas that we would often find in ourselves but we may not realize. Though the suffering here was of his own making but there are times when we find ourselves in pain when life’s plan does not goes accordingly with our plan.

How does one react if the love of their life with whom they planned to spend rest of the life left them for someone else, an unexpected twist of fate that leaves you scarred mentally/emotionally and times when things did not went your way when you were expecting it highly?

It’s hard to hold back emotions during these times and act sensibly. How should one overcome the trauma that one is going through inside while on the surface everything seems fine?

As Dev D goes into his drinking binge and drugs, one could see how he shows no signs of overcoming his heart ache. Pain can give one such a high that soon one finds comfort in them and one does not want it to be over with.

I guess we all have our such moments (may be not to such an extent) where we wont let the pain go away and choose to move on. Dev D represents that.

P.S: I liked the way the movie ended with Dev D moving on with Chanda...

I happened to have mention Paro by mistake, Thanks Adisha for clearing it out :)