Day XVIII

I almost or should I say did played the role of Mosntilal from Office Office today running here and there. Man, I only thought only govt. officers were good in this and now I am proved wrong at this and even private companies can be worse. Can you believe this happen to one if its own employee?

From the past two days had been hearing only about weddings, some got married and then some on their way. Guess its look like people are busy on their way to get hitched. Good luck to them.

I am thinking hard on what further I could add up for the day. Apart from the face that I am sleep deprived. People don’t really listen these days, one need to grab their attention by giving them a shock. I did that today and the reaction was good.

Have got a glimpse of IPL, thanks to Rahul Dravid for whom I try to watch when his team plays. Have immense respect for that man.

I don’t understand people’s craze for Formula One. I did saw it to understand the madness behind. Who has the patience to watch cars moving around from 60 to 70 laps?

Guess that will be all for today. Going to sit and finish some work. :) 

Day XVII

Another day gone by and the week to go. Lost count of the days gone by.

These days I feel like I am one of the cops making an investigation into almost everything but with the exception of thefts and murders. To add touch of realism the organization actually behaves like a sarkari daftar, where one keeps knocking on almost everyone doors.

I find changing oneself to be hard or to inculcate a new habit. I have tried my hand at exercise, yoga, meditation, etc. Do it for a few days religiously and then back again to square one. It does take a lot of will to do something different and to stick to it.

One’s mind always acts like a villain in the movie which will never let you it easily. No wonder when one accomplishes it, it feels good more like defeating the one bad shade of yours.

Apparently my case falls in neither. I believe sleeping beauty was actually a story about a prince instead of a princess but the story changed to target the touchy emotions of the mass female audience. Poor guys, we never get the credit for anything expect when it comes to point fingers.

These days I am experimenting on faith and trying to take a leap of faith. I have done experiments most of my life. In fact even gave myself an electric shock.

I realize and do believe that life is all about experience and yes one should always try out the path they would not like to take. Life can always go either ways but walking in the path that one wants has its own fun.

Seriously its times like this when I feel I can be the Yogi Baba sharing the philosophical gyaan. Hope my bhakts are listening, please donate as I would also like to hold my pravachans across India, be on TV for my bhakts and lastly but not the least make some money. Mil batke khayge J

Any one listening?

Day XVI

It feels so good when you express the feelings and letting your heart out. I just did that. Know that it means nothing for the other person but definitely feels good.

This world seriously does not work on common sense but know the control of power. Today that power was in the hands of the auto driver. There was an auto strike as they make demands to hike prices.

One would have actually listened to their demands but they tamper with the meters and don’t even stop when going empty, will come with all kind of excuses and also have the right to refuse. Please tell me why the state govt is not doing anything about it and why we as people not doing anything about it.

My heart broke today when I came to know that two of my crushes were married and one is even expecting. Ouch it hurts L

Day XV Survival

As he woke up, he found himself caged by bars surrounding him all round limiting his movement. He tried and tried and after days of trying was able to bend a few bars to get out of the cage and run. Run for his freedom and through the clutches of the unknown.

As he stride ahead, his steps were halted by huge walls in the midst of the forest and as he walked along the walls, he could not found an exit but a trail to where it all began.

As days passed by, he made the cage his home and kept making weapons to break the wall. Each time he failed he would go back and make stronger weapons.

Until one fine day, he was able to break the chunk of the wall, which gave him enough confidence to go for the rest. As the wall was brought down, he could see the path that laid ahead that took him to the river with a boat awaiting him and sail to the unknown path with uncertainties lying ahead as he struggled for his survival.

Isn't this true for ourselves too where the cage represents our own thoughts of limitations and the walls meaning the fate of life. Opportunities and life can happen at the same moment but it happening at the right moment makes the difference.

Do let me know your thoughts….

P.S. Have you seen the movie "Pyar ka Panchnama (question for gals), this is probably the first movie showing the guy's point of view. After all gals have their serials to support. Would love to hear a gal's view on the movie.

BTW, don't really get people saying to each other "babu" what the hell does that mean.

Day XIV

I almost forgot to write today’s post and was heading to sleep when realized. Here I am back to complete the post of the day.

As I am writing this post I could hear either a squirrel or probably a mouse squeaking. Will have it checked out in the morning.

Weekend is something that I look forward to these days, as it happen to be the only days when I get some time for myself. Then again, when one is at home, can they be without some homework to do? Over I can still take my shots for not doing it. J

What do you think about dreams? Do they have a story to tell? I still remember how I got my first cycle, told my Dad that I had a dream about it and I had to really push to get one.

Today earthquake hit Bombay and I never came to know about it.

My suspicion is confirmed. It’s a squirrel running around the house. It almost jumped on me. That at least what happened the last time when I found one running around the house. Right now have it locked under the kitchen and will let it out in the morning. Would prefer to keep it a pet but I know that won’t happen. Do read this post to know about animals visit our home.

Got a go its already getting late.

Day XIII

There are two kinds of people in the world. One who goes with the flow and the second kind that tries/changes to make the path better as they walk along. I belong in the second category and no wonder it make me curious how people of the first kind can survive by simple accepting the existing situation and not try to change it for the better.

Apparently people in the higher up are not even aware of such issues. For them the only thing that matters is work gets done. One will support you but only as long as one is able to make it fruitful. I for certain cannot work in a place full of chaos. Apparently it has its own learning and I am doing just that right now.

Today happens to be the 13^th the Friday and this also happens to be my 13^th post for this month. Should that mean anything?

I have this guy chasing me for weeks to give at least 15 mins to listen to his investment idea and I don’t have the time. Life can be cruel at times sometimes making you work all the time or none at all.

Have been listening to this song all day along, been a long time since I heard a song in loop.

The song has three versions, two female and one male and I like this one better.

Day XII

If one has visited this blog or have been around for some time there is something that I wanted to change. It happened to be my work life.

I have been a recovering workaholic and with the amount of work that I am doing these days it goes even beyond that. Work is something that I avoid to mention in my blog. Apparently this is the only thing or should I say am doing all the time right now.

Why is it when one decides to do things different, that fate decides to play truant.

This time however I am looking at things at differently. Understand that one cannot do much beyond a certain point. Take everything as learning. There is no point in thinking that one did not do enough. Always look at the positives.

I know I am been preachy and boring here. What to do? :(

What would it take to change the mindset of people still treating you like a kid. My siblings and relatives do that. I am not sure what I should do to change that.

Heard of the earthquake in Indonesia and the possibility of tsunami coming aftermath. The funny part was looking at the news when cops at patrol wanted people to move away from the beaches of Chennai and they still stick around to catch the first glimpse of it.

It’s been weeks that I have touched my guitar today. Hope this weekend will lessen the distance between us. The weekend is something that I am looking upto as have lot of things to take care of including shopping.

Day XI

There are days when one just don’t want to get up and but still goes. Then miracle happens. The noise dies down and slowly the silence takes over. As one gets attuned to the silence, the miracle started.

Today happened to be that day. Simply enjoyed the silence so much that I actually stayed back at work willingly J

Gals simply want to have their way. I am in touch with a gal professionally and my, she knows all the right buttons to get her work done through talks. Then again I am smart enough to not find myself fooled by it. Apparently we are fighting all the time and it makes me wonder if we are couple without in a relationship.  

Why is it that when good things happen to one, people come to you from everywhere but not to be found before.

Day X

It’s the tenth day of my blogging and I am already wondering how to continue.

Not that I don’t want to but my daily activities hardly gives me the time. A guy has been trying to seek my time and I don’t have time to give. That busy I am.:(

What do you think about hard choices? Choices that do not give one a leeway and following either decision means giving up on something. Have you ever done one?

These days am coming across people who know how to complicate things instead of helping out.

What do you think about not getting something when needed and being given the same when the desire is lost? Have been hearing that a lot from someone I know.

Not going to write much now saving energy for a better tomorrow post J

Day IX

It almost felt that a weight has been lifted off my chest. Can’t tell you what’s it about but it certainly makes me feel good. Finally the closure is happening.

Today I was playing the role of counselor to my friend who apparently did not like his GF talking to a particular person. I can understand the possessiveness and jealousy but to go to an extend to tell them to delete the number and not talk to that guy is something that I could not understand.

Got his logic behind it, but really if someone does not feel the love they used to, no matter what one does, eventually they will drift away. This also become more common in marriages these days as its easier to let go than hold on.

Why is it that one’s responsibilities always go up when they grow up and never comes down?

Did anyone notice that these it’s the guys are stripping on the television shows? Don’t think there are many guys who watch television these days. I at least don’t not for any Indian television show. The sense and sensibility of making a good show has gone on a vacation never to return.

With the morning shows being devote to all the Baba lok, the afternoon and the prime time shows cater to the conservative mindset of our population. There is a huge dearth of creativity and originality. No matter how modern we call ourselves, we simply don’t give up on our old customs as they die hard. No wonder education has been a failure.

I can go on and on but don’t think there is a point in it. As one wise man said to my friend, don’t try to be Anna Hazare and try to change the world. People have enough problem of their own to deal with.

Day VIII

I have not been able to do justice to my blog here. I hardly take out the time to write.

Finally when I do, I am heavily intoxicated with sleep resting on my eyes, waiting to just have  my eyes closed and put me on the trance of sleep. To avoid that I took the time out specially for my blog out here today J

Today the highlight is love marriage. No matter how happy the love birds will be once they are given the consent to bind themselves with wedding vows, for their family it’s a uncertainty followed by anxiety especially when over the years one has to attend each other functions. Trust me; the initial days are not that easy.

Read about the news about a biker getting killed as a BEST double decker bus fell on him. That guy was supposed to getting married in the first week of May. One can never know how fate can strike. The irony of all this is that driver got a suspension. Do they believe that life once gone can be returned?

I know someone who keeps saying that if you tell the truth as it is, no one listens but a little salt and pepper and you have an audience. I agree with it. What do you think about it?

It’s funny the way the siblings have a talk together, one keeps talking about their own story and still it’s supposed to be a talk J Does that happens with you guys.

A small child in the house can bring so much happiness and it stops at that till they start growing up. L

Day VII

Do you wonder about the way the life is?

If you do then I would say stop doing it cause I don’t think there are going to be any answers even though a lot of questions keep coming up inside the head.

I think we always question our existence and try to find a reason behind it but don’t think there is any reason worth finding out. I kind of come to a conclusion that life is about experiencing it and not about what one has or don’t or finding happiness.

I believe we create our own luck sometimes it could be coincidence and then its karma. Talking about karma never get the fact why people with bad deeds, tend to live longer than the good people. I guess it all comes to about survival. 

What's your opinion?

Day VI The World of Movies

It was like time had stood still as there was a pin drop silence and the only thing one could hear was one’s own breath.  This how I felt as I woke up late in the morning

Hope I see more of such days. The day was spent watching movies. One of them happened to be the movie Congo, watching probably the third time. It kind of reminded me how manipulating nature can prove dangerous. Training gorrillas to be like warriors and then the same gorrillas turn into killers. 

That reminds me of the movie Rise of the planet of the apes, simply loved it even though the story has been told many a times. Wonder when will the time come when such movies will be made it India. I guess for that to happen our film industry needs to stop getting inspired from other movies.

There is one movie though that I like for its originality and the way it pictured the times of the kings. Suryavanshi, starring Salman Khan. I am not sure if the movie did good or not but it was certainly good and a very different concept.

That reminds me of the movie Chandni Bar. Apparently whenever I talk about this movie, I get into the nitty gritty of it. Remember just had a conversation on the same with a friend of mine few days back and even today I keep saying to people that instead of Lagaan, this movie should have been send as a nomination for the Oscars and we surely would have Oscar in our hands that year.

Seeing that movie, one can decipher how cruel can life be by sending one back to the place from where they always wanted to go/move/ran away. Such must be the realities of some people and then there are people like us lost in our own world and thinking what kind of mess we are in.

Its good to see Hindi movie industry taking small steps towards originality if not completely original. Even the south Indian film industry is better than them. Saw a few movies and have to say liked the originality in it.

Do you watch movies of other languages? Apparently as a kid I used to movies in Marathi, Gujrati, and other south Indian languages,Bengali and at time even foreign movies (with subtitles) for that matter.

Marathi movies are good too but found some of them exploiting the “Marathi Manoos” in a very wrong way. I don’t think movies should be used to promote that one community is greater than another. Then again in today’s times our educated political leaders are very busy in getting community votes and no wonder such kinds of movies helps their growth. Hope the education one has gone through helps one in making the right choices.

I sometimes do wonder what would be my life if there were no movies to watch and it seems like a nightmare movie J

So, do you a movie to tell......

Day V

How many times a guy is gets asked by a girl to share his photo not once but thrice? Let me tell you that odds of that happening are pretty less. Will not go into details J

One must have read about my yesterday post about how we human beings are living a complex life. Sometime we ourselves complicate them by making the wrong choices and asking the wrong questions.

If you are one of those trying to find the meaning of life, I would say don’t waste your time. Life is all about living and experiencing it. Living in the moment matters.

Everybody is going gaga over the IPL, don’t find much fun in watching cricket these days and the credit for that will go to the Indian cricket who knows how to keep the people always uncertain.

Losing cool has become a norm for me, something that’s unlike me even for a short time. Do you think it’s better to vent out anger or keep it within?

Every day keep reading the horrorscope (horoscope for those who don’t get it) in the papers and trust me it never actually turns out the way it’s written. Still I keep reading and following, don’t ask me why.

Read in the papers about a disciplinary father making her daughter beg so that she can be someone in her life and be independent. Raising children is a serious and big responsibility and messing it up only ends up damaging and scarring the child for life. People do all kinds of things these days. After all one can live the life the way they want to.

Isn’t it funny that the government keeps increasing one’s expenses but never the income? Guess it time they table a bill on income too, that should keep everyone happy.

BTW, got appreciated for my work and an apology from my boss. How many times does that happen? Referring to the apology part J

Day IV A Better Day

Today turned to be a better day than yesterday even though I have hell of work lying with me. These days I am listening to music on my phone something that happens only in a blue moon day.

Have a good collection of songs but will only listen when in the mood. Seeing people listening to it while jogging/traveling in buses, what the use of listening to song this way if one cannot enjoy the songs eternally. I happen to do that on my work.

Have you ever given a thought about the world revolving around you. Somehow this thought keeps coming back to me something that I just thought about when I small. Does it have a meaning to decipher.

Isn’t it challenging to live as a human being. To go through all kinds of emotions, go through day to day routines, do office/ home work and if one get the time then spend or exhaust the time in front of TV, chatting with friends and family and then when its time to sleep, one gets the time for self. We devote time to everyone but forget to do the same with ourselves. Does one really think they know who they are

Getting late going to sleep. Will make sure to devote time to blog.

Day III Exhaustion

The title of the post says it all. That’s what I am feeling right now and don’t think can escape from it unless blessed with a good night sleep which takes away all the tiredness and refresh the body and mind with great energy when waking up in the morning.

I am not able write or think of anything right now. Guess that sums the post very well :)

P.S: This would be my shortest post ever.

Day II Monday The Hangover Days

Mondays have always been my hangover days. No it does not mean that I am drunk on weekends. It simply means that I could not get my hangover of the weekends as I find it hard to get up in the morning and go to office.

Hardly get any sleep these days due to cold problem. Don't even have the time to visit the doctor. I am actually allergic to going to doctors but these days there has been a turnaround.

Isnt' it funny no matter how much we talk of gender equality, but it always play a role when one needs to get things done. And to be honest guys are at the receiving end coz they are ones who create it.

No matter how much I get my work done, my boss prefers to give even more. I think I am being mistaken for a machine. No wonder the machines will revolt one day. Guess I will be one to start with. 

At the end of the day, the only thing that I have is tiredness and sleepiness resting on my eyes for company which chooses to desert me when I need them the most in the night. :(

That bring to the point where I almost forget to mention the retirement of Rahul Dravid. Saw his press conference where he announced his retirement and then his speech and what makes me wonder, is that is he for real? Coz people like that are not made any more. 

To be at such a stature and still be humble and gracious to enough to remember everyone's contribution. Even though he never got his share of the limelight but people in the middle know that he was the backbone of the Indian cricket that they can rely on when no one could stay around in the field.

Hats off to him. Such people are rare and to witness them in action is indeed nothing short of a miracle.

Can anyone please explain why would one have a caller tune that other people can listen into but you cannot when they call you up. Still companies are making a moolah selling it. Don't know who is winning the company or the people.

When a man and women become good friends, is it because they have things in common or is it the beginning to get closer.

If you are wondering the question don't mind them, I keep asking them a lot even got myself compared to Paresh Rawal's character in Judaai.

Guess what, my neice also does the same :)

Day I: Sunday the Holiday

If you are wondering about me not posting, it because I was and am busy more than I want. The thought of posting something always came in the back of the mind but it never felt good enough to write.

Apparently my work has been keeping me busy almost every day almost making me feel that I run the company instead the other way around.

I have decided to break this non communication with my blog and for the next 30 days you will have to bear with me. Yes, I am going to write every day on my blog which also keeps me in the hook as I am not sure what I would write about. Do not take this as an April fool joke :)

Anyways to begin with, like I said people amuse me a lot. The way they act and react in certain situations, I guess at the end of the day it only shows our nature as a human being and being selfish at that.

I find it damn great when I find myself in the company of people who share my passion/hobby of watching movies. I again watched three movies in a day certainly not back to back. There are still more to go and I don’t have the time to watch :( Did watch one today though.

A perfect Sunday means getting up late in the morning. I could not do that as I tend to get my nose blocked in the night due to cold which keeps me awake in the night. Wonder if we could have more of these days. Envy the job of teachers who still get a vacation while people like me working in corporate need to apply for leave to do the same. Where are those days of vacation of all play and no work.

Vacation reminds me of an odd incident in Shirdi where three matured healthy women from a family were jumping lines by crossing over the barriers of the queue to be the early birds to see the god idol in person. It was really pathetic to see that the men accompanying the ladies were not saying anything. All this could happen only in India where truth does not need to be stranger than fiction.

Would really like to experiment living without a television, but guess that will keep me hooked to my PC. Isn't it true that we tend to spend more time watching it then with people around each other?

That will be all for today, will look forward towards Monday, my hangover day of the week………

Self Help Books

I am pretty sure that everyone must have read at least one book on self help whose purpose is to guide you to become what you desire to be and most of the times it is to be successful.

I have gone through my share of self help books which believe me more than helping out has only ended up confusing me more about how can one make themselves to be successful.

They all speak of the ways of life that needs to be followed. The path that other people had taken and the choices people made when they came across difficult situations and how they triumphant over it.

To be honest, to read such books and implementing them in one’s life can only be detrimental if one is not clear about what one is looking for.

After going through many self help books, I can only conclude that they make a good read but not for implementation purpose if one is looking for changes in their life one way or another.

I think that when one decides to bring change or work towards bringing changes to themselves or towards others/situation, they need to be honest about it. Truth be told, we should not forget that we are born as humans and not machines where we are trying to perfect our skills so that it could lead to accomplishment of certain goals.

We are born as humans, to live life, experience life and to lose that in our pursuit of our desires to succeed or to be just to see one live a good life is not worth it because every action/thought has a consequence and we should stay aware of the choices that we make.

My own experiences with these books have not been good. I am one who always looks to trying new things but to keep the focus going is hard to maintain. No matter how many books I read to keep myself going, it won’t happens unless I am determined to do so. So in the end it only tells you what one knew in the first place.

The way to get out of that habit is something that cannot be taught and has to be learned as everyone is different and unique in their own ways and have to find a way where they can adapt, learn and apply the changes one wants to see.

Self help books can guide one that yes it’s possible to overcome the challenges that one face in one’s life. It’s up to one how they take it and bring those changes in their life. Only a determined soul will be able to overcome the barriers.

If you are planning to buy a self help book for such a reason, don’t waste your money. You already know what is bogging you down, you just need to find a way to beat it and you certainly can….

The Year 2011

The year 2011 is coming to an end with only a week to go. What a year this has turned out for me.

The month Jan brought some good news to me something that I have been running away from a long time and it was only after pushing myself that I went ahead and did what I was supposed to.

Somehow things were still in a fog as I choose to lay low instead of doing what I know the best. The year has been a mixed bag. Still there are certain things that I yearn to being fruitful but that just got carried away for the next year. Let see how that goes.

It’s interesting to know how I realize that the more you are desperate about certain things/situation; the more you will find yourself in a greater mess. Things take time to come on its own and I think patience is the only thing and to keep trying is something that keeps one going.

I would say this year has been all about spiritual/philosophical growth for me as I understand that life is always going to be a mess no matter what you do or how you want things to be.

Chaos in life is something that one cannot run away from. It’s going to stay there in one form or another. What needs to change is the way we respond to it.

Everyone wants good things in life but the truth is life is unfair and no matter how hard one thinks they deserve better, one has to somehow face the reality of the truth someday.

So my mantra of life has changed these days, it’s like chaos in life is going to be there but one needs to learn how to handle it and let it go when things are not in control. It’s like a freeway where one is traveling at a high speed with other cars zipping by. Be sure to know where one needs to take the turn and halt, to take the journey of been on the road again.

I used to consider myself as a optimist for a very long time but sooner that I realized that I am actually turning out to be a pessimist and to be honest it actually helped me more than trying to hope that being positive helps and face the reality of life in a better way.

I know when I write this down it seems like I am facing a battle with life or something very bad is going on. That’s certainly not the case. Life intrigues me. It’s just that sometimes words have the power to make you think in a certain way even though the intention is not the same. So if you are reading this don’t get sad or disappointed, the writer of this post is doing good and yes you can certainly send across your messages and gifts to keep him happy J

Real friends are hard to make in latter life. It’s all about give and take. I have lost of the count of crushes that I had this year. I guess there were certain chances that I could have built on, but I did not. When it comes to the matter of love, I find myself in this position:

“When I meet a girl I try to make her think I'm Joey, at d end of conversation I feel I'm like Chandler & she thinks he is boring like Ross”.

I always thought it was the British who ingrained this thought of caste and religion in our minds so that we would fight among ourselves instead of fighting for the freedom for the country. I guess I was wrong when I saw discrimination of a new kind which was not even based on religion or caste. One should really see the people taking advantage of the same. It’s bad.

Hope the year has been good to others too as it was to me (even though there are a few things that still has to be ticked off). Let us live in the present and enjoy the moment right now instead of trying to live a future which as always remains uncertain…

Wish everyone a Merry Christmas and loads of luck and love in the coming year of 2012.

Tall Guy Signing Off………..

Finally Free

Free is what he felt as he looked at the ceiling and smiled.

His whole life flashed before him as he saw the traces of his failures to get back up on the ground and live a normal life and find an acceptance within the society.

As his vision became blurred, he could only reminisce the good times he had and the regret that he let his family down.

The only thing he felt was the release of his soul from his mortal body as his eyes saw the world for the last time, even as drops of blood dripped on the ground from his wrist.

Lying beside him was his goodbye note stating that he tried hard to feel that he felt belonged but did not and so bid adieu to the world……..

Atithi Devo Bhavah

Standing in the long queue for an autorickshaw a blonde, white skin guy stood among them. A little boy passes through the line and seeing him standing in the queue, turns back and says "Hello, How are you? smiles and walks away.

Just as the line was moving ahead, two auto drivers approached the guy and tells him that the other auto driver will leave him at his destination, as they talked about the price the guy felt staying in the line made much more sense.

"Don't go with them, stay in the line" a female voice said to him as she stood ahead from him in the queue.  "Where do you want to go?" she asked. He blurted out the place name. Hearing that she looked straight in the queue and as the line kept moving ahead at a snail pace.

Out of nowhere the girl makes an appearance in front of the guy and says "This is the wrong queue and you should be catching the auto from the other side. I was trying to get an auto for you" The few bystander standing in the line respond that he will get an auto from here. Dissuaded the girl moves back to her place and as her turn comes to get in the auto, she turns back and wishes the guy "Bye, Happy Journey" even as the guy looked on and smiled away.

P.S.: This is something that I saw today and must say the fascination for foreigners surely goes on the top. I am not sure what the girl was trying to do, hope she did not get inspired by the ads of Atithi Devo Bhavah.....

Love Happens, Errr Make It Happen

Ravi knew he had the hots for her when he saw her the first time but never did he brought his feelings for her out in the open. His eyes would look at her now and then.

Somehow instead of making a move, he shied away from accepting his feelings even though she would be the one sitting right in front on him and he was not good at hiding them.

His eyes would move, every time she makes a move, and there were times when they both found looking at each other. He wondered if she knew about it as he thought women were intuitive on such things.

Then there was the day when she was walking behind his back and turned around and looked towards him,  their eyes met and she smiled. He wondered if this was a sign or was the idea of falling in love was taking over his mind.

Still he did not made a move as he thought they were poles apart and instead left it in the hands of fate, if it was meant to be it will. Every day from there on he watched her from a distance then be with her in her arms....

P.S. They say Love Happens, but I think there are times when one needs to make it happen instead of waiting it to happen. What do you think?

Anger

His nostrils flared out the heavy air outside as his eyes shot up with fury. Inside there was the volcano of emotions waiting to erupt but on the outside it was kept on hold, no matter what he felt inside he could not let it out as the fire would have engulfed him too.

His face apparently said it all what he was trying hard to hide. In the end it was indecisiveness that let to the anger to subside wondering what would have happen had if the fire was let loose on the outside.

P.S: This is very different from what I normally write in fiction, so your feedback will be appreciated :))

Taking a Step Back

Hardly any time for myself these days. Not that I enjoy it but yes it does leaves me wondering what I am doing?

I guess everyone remembers my rants of being a workaholic and guess what it still give me a high then again it’s something that I have cut back on.

One of the things you might find surprising is that I actually waited for around six years to do something that I wanted to do so badly.  The reason for not doing was that I was too busy with my own life to reach my goals which apparently is still on the works.

I am going to be honest that I am a man of ambition or more like passionate about the things that I do. I guess I am starting to realize that a 9 to 5 job is not for me. Just because one is suppose to earn for a living. Need to be at a place which gives you that satisfaction and also pursue other things in life. I know it’s a hard one to find.

Other than that, I realize that I have a tendency to hold myself back. Its silly that sometimes even when one their facts, they still end up doing the same thing in such situations. I am not quite sure what need to be done here.

Uncertainty in life is one thing that I have hated the most. I realize that one cannot do anything about it, that sometimes even when you do the right things, its not necessary that everything could work out. I guess its better to go with the flow of life then keep asking question of why’s and what’s which never gets answered….

I know that the post might be a little gibberish but that’s how I feel right now. Sometimes been all by yourself is not such a bad thing at all.

P.S. Surprised that my post on Childhood is one of the highest viewed post on this blog, glad you all liked it so much.

Calling Her

Varun looked at the number in his cell phone and wondered if he should call her up. It was almost 3 years that they knew each another and had recently exchanged numbers in the hope of talking to each other.

He knew her for such a long time as an online friend that he forgot how they had become friends. He remembered everything what she liked, disliked and secretly wished to fall in love with her.

Staring at her number, he wondered what it would be like to connect with her in real life rather than living in the fantasy world where she was the princess of his dreams and he her knight in armor.

The thought of making the contact had him in jitters. He knew he would love to meet her in person and relive his dream but was afraid of his dream being broken into pieces. What if they were not as good as they wanted to be, what if they did not liked each other as they thought they would have?

He looked at the number and asked himself should he take that chance or live the dream that he has been living on happily?

He looked at the number and pressed the dial button not knowing what it was going to be as the phone started ringing and the voice on the other side “Hello”…

The Virus Incident

You are going to read about “The Virus Incident” so make sure that you study the above image with care to get a better understanding.

Here are some pointers:

Area 1: The site where the incident occurred
Area 2: The site that could have been exposed to the virus
Area 3: Confidential. You will come to know of this later.

For Your Eyes Only

This happened when I was new to my job and was still getting familiar to the working environment. It happened to be the night shift and apparently there was no work. So after having fun, everyone decided that it was time to get some sleep which happened to be “Site II”. The lights were dimed creating a sleepy atmosphere. Still I was awake, never had the tendency to fall asleep at work even when I did not had a proper sleep.

I decided to surf the net which happen to be the “Site I” place. I was very high on forming an alumni association of my college back then so I found myself landed on such a site and even connected with some of my school friends then. This was the age when there was no Orkut or Facebook around.

I decided to write an email to one of my school buddy who had replied me back on that site. Along with me was a friend who was standing on the chair and observing what I was upto.

As I was writing back to him, I heard a hoarse voice saying to me “You are not supposed to do that”.

I turned around to find a tall, healthy older guy wearing glasses standing behind me telling me that you are not allowed to access emails. Given my ignorance I told him that I was not accessing any email accounts and that the desktop that I was using was specific for internet uses only.

Still I was told to close it which I did as I thought that the guy was from the IT dept. By then my colleague had gotten up from her chair. As the murmurs grew louder, one of the guys from the “Site II” was awaken. I must mention here that there were some people who had developed an expertise in sleeping on two chairs that too moving ones. A mystery that still puzzles me.

The next thing I know is that I heard a singing voice oblivious to the situation that was going on. I turned around to find it coming from “Site III” where a colleague who seemed to be in his own world singing a song loudly. Both I and the other fellow were watching him, wondering what the hell he was up to.

If that was a sight, then it just got better as I saw the person who was awaken from his deep slumber crawling towards the red chair in full sight of the other guy. He reached toward the red chair and tried to awaken the girl who happened to be our shift supervisor.

All this while there was a pin drop silence as he made his attempts to awaken her and succeeded. She got up and then spoke to the fellow and then we came to know there was a virus issue in one of the departments. He wanted us to check if the anti virus program was up to date in all the workstations. Once that was started he left.

Next thing I know, I was being hailed as a hero. The girl who was there with me told the other people that it was because of me that he did not came to the “Site II” or else everyone would have been in big trouble.

Guess who the guy turned out to be. He was not an IT guy but the vice president of the company. Apparently he could access any department, ours was a biometric access. We never came to know when he came in given that I was seated next to the entrance. The thought in my mind was what the hell he was doing in office in the middle of the night.

Then again, nothing feels better than been hailed as a HERO.

Astrology, Puja & Tantriks

I am a strong believer of Karma. As you sow so shall you reap. Still there have been times when I have not seen the same happen. It may take time to for one to pay for their bad deeds, but it will happen. Makes me wonder why I still believe in Karma?

In an Indian family, like a family doctor there will be a family astrologer whose advice is always seek before doing anything. Sometimes people approach them with silly questions like “whether my son will pass with distinction or not?”

I don’t follow astrology much but my family does. Recently it so happened that I was the one who also took part in the ritual of seeking advice of the astrologer regarding some issues. I have never done that before but just to seek clarity, I went ahead. At the end of the conversation with the astrologer, I was asked if I was satisfied. I was not but you cannot say that on the face right?

I still take a very bleak view of what they say unless they start making bang on predictions. Some people follow it very blindly and even take the advice given too seriously. If life could be so easily predicted why the hell people would have still problems in their life?

Then there are pujas that are needed to perform to appease the gods or get rid of some doshas that can be seen in your horoscope. This again makes me wonder; can by doing a puja; things will change for the better? I remember pujas being conducted to appease the rain gods so that there will be good amount of rain downpour which did not happen.

It more looks like the case of satisfying one’s mental thoughts that by doing such rituals, things will improve. Even when they don’t work out people still don’t lose out on their beliefs. Should that be considered as smart or just being plain dumb?

Also heard about people visiting tantriks so that things could work their way or trying to influence people. These are very much part of reality and is quite scary too. If god is supposed to be the ultimate power, who gave these people the right to mess with it and what is god doing about it, for people who have been affected by the same? If you ever head down south in India, these are very much part of people’s lives.

I was even told to wear certain gemstones as a kid and have never done that. It makes me wonder if by wearing a gemstone, can I stop the effect of something bad that is going to happen. There are many people out there who can be seen wearing them. Don’t really know if it makes the difference or not.

Do you think they give us the clarity that we need or is it just better to take life as it comes no matter what?

Marriage Blues

A couple of weeks back; I got mobbed by my relatives who were hell bent on seeing me getting married.

I am not sure what is wrong with people as soon as you reach a certain age; the only thing in people’s mind is to see you get married.  Does not matter what you want to do in life or not, you should get married first.

I guess its tough for girls more than the guys especially women who are career oriented.  I somehow manage to dodge the bullet that day.

To come to think of it, I don’t think I am ready to get married even though I like the idea of settling down.  Don’t know what makes others to settle down except the need of a companion or it could be just plain sex.

I think I am not ready to take the responsibility of someone who will be moving away from her home and making my place her home.  I know that my thoughts might sound cliché but those are my thoughts on marriage.  Man taking care of his wife.

Also one of the other reasons being the fact that there are so many things one needs to accomplish in life. Don’t know if marriage fits into the bill?

I wonder if these are jitters of being in a stage where you at the point being getting married at some point.  Then again it’s only after marriage one will know where they stand.

So did/do you had/have any marriage blues?

Emptiness

Do you ever feel the void that reflects the emptiness within you when you are lost in your world?

I have felt that emptiness within me more than once. I wondered if it was saying something to me or was it just mocking me that we are alone no matter what we have or where we are.  Always wondered if others felt it too and how they dealt with it?

I have done stupid things to get over the emptiness and yet it stays within me.  There are times when it keeps me sane, be myself.  Yet there are times when I simply want to get rid of it.

The emptiness also reminds me of a poem that I read during school days where God gives everything to man that he wishes but the one thing that he does not give is “peace”.

No matter what we do, we achieve its only temporary.  At the back of our mind, we always feel that we could have done better, deserve more and hence not always content with what we receive…

Busy :(((

That’s how my life has been for the last few weeks.  Not that I have been complaining, except for the sleep perhaps.

One of the funny things that I noticed in the recent weeks is how easy it is to create a bad image of someone even though the person never did any such thing.  Gossip is said to be past time of girls but I think some of the guys can beat them on that.  I can vouch.

My name tally went up to the count of five.  People do silly things when they take decisions emotionally.  I was one of them and now I see someone else.  Taking a decision is not the hard part, but standing by it is the hardest.  I guess they are lucky that I am around which I was not. Let’s hope they could see light at the end of the tunnel and not do anything stupid.

I think I found my Jaya Badhuri and she, her Amitabh Bachanan. Then again it would only result in pain for both of our necks.  Par dooriyan aanewale hain, aur waqt bahut kam hain. (The time left is few and there is going to be distance).  So I don’t think anything is going to happen :(

That’s it for now, will post later…

Fate/Destiny

If someone would have asked me a few years back, if you believe in destiny/fate I would have said no and that it’s in everyone’s hands to shape their future.

Today things do stand different and if I was asked again the same question, I would say yes there is something called destiny/fate. It can make or break your life, can make your dreams come true or shattered at the end of the day.

I have seen a few people fate change. People who have rode high on their luck and some who could go any further as luck was not with them. Don’t really know how fate works but most of the time it comes across as unfair.

Look at the case of Priyanka Chopra who became Miss World in 2000 in spite of giving a wrong answer. Her question was “Who do you think is the most successful woman living today and why?” Her answer was Mother Teresa who had passed away in 1997. Now don’t you think it was unfair for others that they lost out for answering correctly and the one who won had got it wrong? The winning of the crown acted as a stepping stone in the Hindi Film Industry and she did well to capitalize on her opportunities.

The worst that fate had in store of was for Charles Goodyear who lived in the peril of poverty till his death. His invention (vulcanization of rubbers) made the rubbers more durable and it gave him nothing except tragedy. Saw a documentary on him that made me wonder, whether it was all worth it? And yet in the end, success did not come the way it should have…

One wonders what constitutes fate and makes it work the way it does. Sometime no matter how hard you try you still don’t get what you want. Then you see someone who does not even put an ounce of effort and yet they get what they want without really doing anything. Makes one wonder what is good karma and bad karma?

Sometimes, I do wonder if they are ways of testing the people. Then again why the people who work hard to get what they want are put to test and left disillusioned, while the people who put the least effort have it easy and get to eat their cake too. Isn’t that unfair?

No one can understand what happens the way they do. I guess the only thing one can do is to keep trying for what they want.