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December 8, 2009

Marriage Talk

This is one of my favourite topics that I like to read/know about. I guess it was from the time that I was a teenager that the “arranged marriage” system intrigued me.

I know someone who said “yes” just because she thought that she might not get good proposals after a ‘certain age’. I even ended up writing an uncompleted story on the arranged marriage.

I have came across posts few weeks back that was dedicated to the same topic. I have seen girls worry, wondering if the one they are marrying is the right choice. Not came across any guys until a few weeks back, my friend made me wonder about that.

Whenever I spoke to this friend, the topic would get diverted to “Marriage” and I was wondering what was wrong. I asked him but the answer never came. The last phone call cleared the air.

He called up and the first question that was put to me was “When are you getting Married? (Reminded me of my post). I was like after you. It was then a volley of questions were directed at me like “Whether you would go for someone working or not and why?” and other similar questions.

For a moment, I thought I was the one being scrutinized and wonder if my friend was trying to play a matchmaker. After a lot of prodding, the beans were spilled out.

He was on the process of seeing marriage proposals and this was his way of having a discussion on the subject. The discussion went further until my friend felt that he knows what he needed.

In an arranged marriage system, I don’t understand the traditional setup of a boy meets girl in the presence of families. After a supposedly 10 min or more talk they are required to take a decision of their life time. If they are lucky, they might get a chance to meet again to see their compatibility.

Even today, most of the families are not open to informal meeting between the boy and girl where they can talk & discuss openly. Which I think should be the norm On the top, a boy can go on to see as much more than 10 girls to decide his life partner but a girl (in some communities) cannot do the same and if she does, she gets stereotyped. Does this represent the so-called modern society of India?

I am not sure if this approach will change in the coming years but the mindset has to. As for my friend, I wished him luck for his search who is also seeking divine intervention like matching horoscopes.


Anonymous said...

The trend is changing, Survivor, where ever the parents want it to change. And it really should change. I don't think a family can be happy when a couple is not compatible.

I know many couples who met several times - they went out like friends do. I find it really weird that we are fine with colleagues, friends and class mates meeting and communicating, but not prospective life partners.

Anonymous said...

Hey nice post. this is one area where Indian society needs a reformation. This topic intrigues girls as much as it does to guys :) But men always have upper hand in marriage, which is really sad

PNA said...

As IHM said the trend is changing.

But many arranged marriages have worked n I don't know how it works when the couple just meets for a fraction of seconds to 10 minutes max. It is more of an assumption that two people with more or less similar family backgrounds, ideologies n jobs come together n live together... But things go badly wrong too in many cases, n are kept hidden with a happy facade...

but there could be some more communication in the respect. Indian society are u listening?

Winnie the poohi said...

I agree with IHM... the trend is changing...

Infact nowadays i find guys n girls themselves meeting more than 2-3 prospective partner from matrimonial sites...

once they think they r compatible.. thye tell their parents and then the usual circus starts :-)

The Survivor said...


I hope the trend is changing coz I have not come across myself.

I do find that weird that they don't allow when they should.

@ Evan

Thanks. I do agree guys have a upper hand, hope it changes for the best

The Survivor said...


Welcome to LIFE

I hope the Indian society is :)

The arrange marriage system success is a mystery

@ Winnie

Sadly, I have not come across that...

Gyanban said...

In our society times change people don't....

Winnie the poohi said...

Anyhow! Congrats for the blog adda pick :D

The Survivor said...

@ Gyanban

I hope that changes

@ Winnie

Thanks a lot Meenu

Bhavya said...

Todays love is manipulated... hard to find true love.
As we love our parents its worth trusting them & marrying some1 of their choice :)

The Survivor said...

@ Bhavya

Welcome to the Den of the Tall Guy

I agree but don't you think there is risk involved?

Bhavya said...

Risk is there in both arrange as well as love marriage. The only difference is, in arrange the risk is owned by parents :)

The Survivor said...

@ Bhavya

Yeah it is, but a known devil is better than the unknown one :)

I don't think that there should be a problem of one marrying of parent's choice, but one has to like them before they say yes and there should be no kind of pressure/force to say yes.