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March 2, 2009

When are You Getting Married?

Today I was given an ultimatum that I have to get married within the next two years. At the start of the week, Amma surprised me by having a talk about my marriage. I told her that I was not keen on getting married. Her thought is that you should get married when you are young.

I am not sure if I could agree with her, my point is that there are few things in my life that I want to straighten out before I commit myself to someone. As of now I have agreed, who knows I might even come across someone who could be my partner for life!!

These days everyone I know is getting married. Slowly and steadily, one by one my friends are walking down the aisle which means that I will be seeing less of them as they go on devoting more time to their wives.

I remember the days when I enjoyed the look on Amma's face when I asked her whether she would prefer a Punjabi girl who can make samosas and butter chicken. She would stop doing her work and look up towards me, stare for a minute and then get back to her work.

You would be surprised to know that I got my first proposal for marriage when I had attended a cousin's wedding. A lady was making inquires about me as she had a suitable bride for me. I had just given my HSC exams then.

My cousin has even shortlisted a few whom she thinks would be a perfect match for me. This is the result of her two year work and the numerous trips that she takes to our native place. On the last count I came to know that one got married, one got rejected as her attitude has changed over the years. Doesn't matter that I have not even meet them once.

Finding the right girl/boy is nothing short of placing a bet on a roulette table and hoping to win. The problem is you will only know of the result after your marriage. Not a good way to get a bad news if you lose.

I think love marriage is a good way to know what you are getting into. There will be the least surprises. Arrange marriage is a totally different ball game, where only after one or two encounter you have to make your decision. The success of marriage would only be known after a couple of months.

I am not sure if love marriage would work for me as I am yet to find a girl whom I shall fall for though there were many crushes they vanished in thin air as I interacted with them or came to know that they are already seeing someone, engaged and are married.

The problem with arranged marriage is, how can you decide that she/he is the one you would like to spend the rest of your life with? This might scare anyone who are thinking about taking the plunge. Funnily some of the matches get rejected on the grounds that the girl cannot live without eating onion and potato or she might appear too thin, etc. Apart from meeting of the minds, habits are also thoroughly looked into.

Let me put down my criteria:

The girl should be willing to live her dreams which she has seen for herself. I will make sure that I am with her at every step. Though I am very well aware that this is easier said than done but I am willing to try. She should be able to adjust and at the same time both the husband and wife should compromise if the situation demands. She should be ready to try new things like doing a salsa or going on adventure trips. Also someone who could take me with my bad habits (I am not going to write that down here) which will make her go mad. The only thing that I won't like her to be is short tempered. I have already fought many battles with my sis and won't like to be on a war zone for a life time!!

I don't care how the girl looks as long as I am able to connect with her. The only thing that attracts me is the persona. It says a lot about you. The charm of the personality is that one can see the inner beauty inside out.

I know the girl might have her own criteria to judge me too. Lets hope that I pass it with flying colors.

Enough about me, when are you getting married?

P.S. In case, you think that someone you know fits the bill, don't hesitate to get in touch with me :))


Indian Home Maker said...

First time here ... nice post :)

Very matured attitude, not at all surprising after reading your comment on another blog.
I wonder if there is any right or wrong age for getting married ... if it makes two people happy, than it must be the right age.

It's a good idea to meet the girl alone, more than once definitely though it can become difficult to say "no" (or accept a 'no' after after that!)

Deepali said...

I think to make a HAPPY successful marriage, two people have to be the same at the core. I don't understand the concept of opposites attract so I obviously don't accept it so be a truth (in a relationship not physics when you talk about charges etc).

The point is even if you do go in for a love marriage, people change. Things you love about someone today might end up being things that annoy you later on. Also those things that you love might disappear as the years pass by.

It's this constant adjustment battle that goes on I guess. And most instances (at least in the past) women have just accepted and moved on because they believed they had no choice.

But if 2 people are very similar in core beliefs and ideologies, I don't think over the years the would change in drastically opposite direction. Secondly, I think it would be easier to understand the other person and accept because you understand not because you believe you have no choice.

Anyway the whole issues of marriage is more complex than most people are willing to admit...

Yogesh said...


Thank you for the compliment and welcome to LIFE.

There is no age bar that defines marriage, the problem is the society does not think so!!

Yeah if her parents allow, and hearing a NO after that would be a NO NO :D

@ Deepali

You wont know that unless you get married :)

What works for others might not work for you.

Yeah marriage is about making adjustments but then don't we make adjustments with others?

I don't think marriage is complex as long as you keep the communication lines open and be in love.

Shwetz said...

I understand what you are going through. It's the same at my place too. 'Arrange' is one thing I'm just not comfortable with.

I mean, I wouldn't want that person to run away screaming and pulling his hair if I act a bit weird at times :D (kidding)

You know what, if the couple are good friends, then adjusting shouldn't be of any issue! :)

And anyway.. marriage is a beginning to a new life! ya Salsa and trekking will be bonus stuff :D

Yogesh said...

@ Shwetz

Yeah, the arrange marriage can scare anyone :))

Yeah I too think good friends make great couple.

Yeah if she likes it too :D

Winnie the poohi said...

Ah yogesh I dont believe in marriage is for me.. but I am seeing most of my friends dancing round the fire :P :P

As far as I can see.. Unless there is a lot of marked differences.. most of us can be compatible or atleast work towards it..

What matters is that you "want" to get married thats all

Umm do you ?

Yogesh said...

@ Winnie

I too think that even if two people are different and stayed together for a long time they are bound to like each other unless they are both are poles apart.

I guess I do, but not so soon, but then we know how these things go...

Rashmi said...

been there.. done that.. i could write a thesis on relationships... even if u decide on an arranged marriage, make sure that u know the girl atleast for 6 months before u get married...

somehow i love live in relationships.. they do have their pros and cons ofcourse...

btw, a very mature and balanced outlook towrds marriage... may u find the right girl soon

The Survivor said...

@ Rashmi

Yeah I would agree that live-in relationship is a good way to check the compatibility of staying together.

Thanks, I hope so too

antach said...


My name is Antara. I live in California. I publish an online interactive magazine, B'Khush (www.bkhush.com ) Please take a look if you get time.

I was going through your blogs, and I enjoyed reading them. Will you be interested to share some of your write ups with the readers of B'Khush? It'll be a pleasure, if you kindly agree.

Vinita (lazy pineapple)shares her blogs with B'Khush as well.

Will be looking forward to hear from you...:-)

My email id: antara@bkhush.com



The Survivor said...

@ Antara

Welcome to LIFE

Good to know that you found them interesting.

BTW, that is a nice name & rare I believe.

Shanu said...

I know wat u mean..been goin thru the same thing for a yr now..trust me its diff

The Survivor said...

@ Shanu

Welcome to LIFE

I know about that :)