Feeling Trapped

"I have always liked it, it is still my favorite book.
I do not like my writing,

but I like this book...

I wish I like my own writing more, but like all of us,
I am trapped inside my own skin"

— William Goldman

There are times when you have a lot to say but you cannot express it. You want to do things in a certain way, but you end up doing things differently something you don't enjoy. The way you think from inside is different from the way you act outside. You do everything and still no one takes notice of it except when you make mistakes. You have lot of anger vent up inside and don't know how to deal with it. Things don't work your way even when you end up doing the right things.

You are made to wonder what you did wrong when everything you did was right. You make things happen for others to have good memories for the rest of their lives, but no one does the same for you. You have been good to people, but when its their turn to help you out, they are quick to turn their back on you. No body wants to recognize you, making you feel like a loner. Though they want your help when in a catch-22 situation.

Still you take everything in your stride. You want to enjoy the gifts of life. You feel, you are surrounded by wrong people and want to change them. Even if you try, you can not do much about it. as they end up being the only source of a "company" to go out with (if you don't want to go alone).

Life takes it's toll and you begin to think where all this is leading up to. Will I be able to live my life the way I want to? Fulfill my dreams and goals?

There are no answers here, its for each one of us to find it out.

The Art of Writing

It is hard to imagine that I am doing good in my art of writing (even if I don't, I would like to think so). Never in my imagination did I thought I could write stuff. The adventure has been a good one and a learning experience too.

I started writing short stories in my school time just to pass time. Don't really know what prompt me to. They were horror stories where I made use of my imaginary world. Being a hyperactive kid, sitting and doing nothing would get me worked up. So I was always on to something. I never really shared the stories with anyone with the fear of being ridiculed.

Then there was a time when I had stopped writing. I resumed writing again in my T.Y. in the form of journal writing. My cousin had this habit of journal writing. We (I and my other cousins) enjoyed reading them and came to know a lot of secret stuff during our play days. One can find my journal lying around the house. No is able to read it as I have a real bad handwriting, so no one is able to make out whats written. Who said having bad handwriting does not have it benefits. In the beginning I used to get tried writing every day all the events that took place, what I did and thought and other stuff. I found my energy level getting drained by the act, don't know why. So I would end up discontinuing and restarting it again. It was again during my work stint that I started writing again and have maintain a good track record till now. It is a good way of putting your thoughts into words, I really enjoy it now. In fact I even ended up writing a half-completed story something that I thought could be canned into a T.V. Soap. The one thing that I have not told was about my interest in getting in the field of media. Some how things did not worked out and I ended up in other field but the interest is still there. There is more to this. I even ended up writing poems. It started with writing a birthday message for my sis which I got framed for her. The kind of feedback that I got was great. Made me feel good. There are people who write better poems than me. There is this colleague of mine who can write wonderful poems. She has the talent. I just wish that I could let her know that by publishing her poems.

Recently I have started writing maintaining a blog which I hope you might have read. I was not that active on this when I started as time acted as a big constraint. Nowadays I take my time out to write it. The journey of writing has been enjoyable and a pleasurable one. Its a good way of running away from the reality and being in your own imaginative world where you make things happen. Hope the adventure of writing has been great fun to you as it has been to me.

Procrastination or Simply Being Lazy

"Procrastination is the bad habit of putting of
until the day after tomorrow

what should have been done the day before yesterday"

— Napoleon Hill

The above quote says it all. How procrastinating things is a bad habit. I believe some of us have this bad habit and never thought of how we became a victim (though I guess we knew how we were slowly becoming victims of this viscous habit).

I have to admit that I have let the act of procrastinating grow over the years. Strangely it is more in my personal life than in my work life. Its odd as many times it is the other way round. Guess its because of me being a workaholic.

What I am trying to find out is whether I have the habit of procrastinating or I am being simply lazy. I remember that during my childhood days I used to avoid doing work. Somehow I don't remember when this act of being lazy grow into a procrastinating. My family can still vouch for this and can even go blah blah blah (Thankfully they don't read in what I write out here). The one thing that I never told them that I was quick on tasks which I find good otherwise I kept on delaying it. Also there were some benefits of my procrastinating things. For e.g., Changing the name in the electricity bill turned out to be a quite a tedious task with the officer saying that I would have to shell out around 2800 bucks to get it done. As there were some discrepancies in the electricity bill for the past month, I decided to apply for the same few months late. I got a lot of crap from my family for this. Somehow they also had the expression of amusement when I got the work done without giving in a single penny. Howzzat!!

There have been other instances as well. Somehow procrastinating things had been a blessing in disguise. Overall it did some damage though. One thing that I don't understand is why I procrastinate things related to family and not with my friends or at work. I guess this has to do something with maintaining a good social image. I also realized the fact that I was lazy in the start, somehow it got transformed into procrastination. Though I have not really made an attempt to overcome it. I am thinking of do it now. After all who won't like to keep their family happy :D