Ram Bharose

"What do you mean by names don't match? I have given you my pan card and adhar card that reflects my name only. I have given them across for other KYC & account opening. What do you mean by name is not matching? No one has ever come back to me once. How can you say name is not matching?" thundered John Alex Stalin on his cellphone.

The bank executive Ram Bharose listened to John and said "I know Sir but as per the new rules put in place. Your government photo id cards full names should match. Your middle name is not matching."

"What the fuck do you mean its not matching? My middle is written in both "Alex Stalin". Are you guys blind not to see? screamed John.

"Sir, I know. Your pan card mentions John Stalin but your adhar card states John Alex Stalin. There is a middle name mismatch." said Ram Bharose.

John shook his head, his hand touching his forehead as he walked up & down the hall "Arre Ram Bharose, woh pan card ke second line ka naam mere abba ka hain na!!" 

"Sir, nahi chalta na, usse first line hona chaiye tha, jaise apka Adhar card main hain. Aap naya pan card kyu nahi banate?"

By this time John is huffing & puffing down the hall unable "Ram Bharose". "Yes Sir". "Tu ek kaam kar woh jo application hain usse aag laga de, nahi toh ek kaam kar usse fadkar dust bin main daal de. Nahi kholna mujhe koi account" he thundered.

"Sir, aap to bura..." is what John got hear as he disconnected the call.

Leela appeared hearing his screams as John's cheeks went red with rage. "That fellow says aapka middle name galat hain. Bolta hain baap ka naam missing hain"

Hearing it Leela started laughing as she sat besides John in her attempt to try and console him.

Seeing her laugh he got more enraged and said "You find this funny? You see how I teach them a lesson. I will tweet this to their CEO on twitter. Phir dekhta hu kaise middle name mismatch dekhta hain"

"Why taking so much stress? Just give him na what he wants and khatam karo. Baat ko chewing gum ke tarah kheech ke kya kar loge"

"Leela, you don't understand. Somebody has to stand to their idiotic demands. Where is it written that full name should match in all government ids? ID main photo nahi dekhta kya?

"John, do you really think you can argue with fools? Tumko lagta hain isse desh badal jayega. I am telling you, just give them what they want and leave it" All John could do was fume at her.

Two days later as John & Leela were having their cup of tea, John received a call and the voice over the other end said "Sir, Ram Bharose bola raha hu. Apne twitter main complaint...."

Leela watched his expressions changed to rage as he cringed and listened. She asked him who it was and he loudly said "Ram Bharose!!!"

Tinder, Ok Cupid...

"I am tried of this finding a wife shit. I am starting to feel that matrimonial sites have fake profiles just to lure us into joining them." complained Nikhil.

"If things go like this, then we will only get Aunties for marriage" Wasim said as both the uncles laughed.

"I have now given up on the idea of getting married, I will live a single life, travel and do whatever I want to do. Maaja ne life jiva nu.(lead a happy life)  Nikhil said into his cellphone.

"What about old age? who is going to look after you? Family family hoti hain baki sab gair hote hain (Family is family, no one else is going to look after) taunted Waism.

"You mean to say that I should get married so that there is someone to take care of me in my old age? Bas yeh reason ke liye shaadi kar lu" (So I should get married for this reason) He asked as his voice grew louder followed by silence on the other end.

"Bas yehi bolna tha??" (This what you had to say) he asked Wasim again. Again there was no reply. "Hello, so gaya kya" (Hello, have you fallen asleep) Nikhil asked.

"Sex" the other voice said. Nikhil thought he heard wrong "Kya?" (What) he countered.

"Sex. men marry for sex. Woh bhi lifetime free." (Men marry for sex as its lifetime free) Hearing this Nikhil responded "Tu bola raha hain jo bhi aadmi shaadi karte hain, woh sirf aur sirf sex ke liye karte hain!!"(You mean to say guys only get married for sex) "Arre nahi rahin. Love marriage ho toh apne choice ki. Arrange ho toh jo mila so..." (No, If its love marriage, its your choice and in arrange marriage, one has to make do with what they get)

"Abe tu kya bol raha tujhe pata bhi hain kya" (Do you even know what you are talking about) he retorted. Wasim listened to him patiently and said "Tu samjah nahi re. Woh Bipasha ka movie dailogue hain na Yeh jism pyaar karna nahi jaanta. jaanta hai toh sirf jism ki bhookh. Woh yaad aagaya tha isliye bol diya" (You are not understanding. You rememer that Bipasha's movie dailogue. The body knows no love, it knows only hunger. Remembered that hence said it)

"Lekin zindagi main ek hum rahi ki zarorat toh sabko padti hain. Yeh baat aur hain ki hum usse parivar agae badana, bacche paida karneka naam dete hain. (Everyone needs a companion. Its a different matter that we say to do it in the name of carrying family name forward, to have kids..)

"Wah babaji wah. Aaj subah subah coffee ki jagah kuch aur toh nahi mari thi na?" laughingly Nikhil asked. (You are great Babaji. Instead of coffee, you did not had anything else right?)

"Tu meri sunta nahin hain. Mera saath rahega toh shikh lega" (You never listen to me. You will learn if you stay with me) said Wasim pulling his leg.

"Toh Wasim Baba, hum dono ki iss samasya ka koi upay hain?" (So Wasim Baba, do you have any solution for our problem?)

"Kuch nahi balak. Jo pryas tum shaadi.com aur jeevansaathi main kar rahe ho, wohi tumhe tinder, bumble, ok cupid aur market main ek naya app aaya hain uss pe karna hain. Safalta zaroor tumhari gale padegi" (You just keep doing what you are doing. You know have to do the same on dating apps like tinder, bumble, ok cupid and there is a new dating app you should try. Success will come to you) Wasim said and both had a hearty laugh.

That evening Nikhil was fiddling with his phone when he remembered his conversation with Wasim. He went to the play store downloaded the app, filled his details and tried his luck on it as he swiped left & right...

P.S.; This was suppose to come a week before Valentine but its never too late.

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Big Boss Big Boss

Radhika was watching the whole fiasco as both Manoj & Rahul were arguing in the meeting. Atul, the manager who had called up the meeting was a mute spectator.

Seeing them fight gave her headaches, she wished if there was a mute mode like on the tv remote control she could activate. She did that every time Sidharth Shukla & Asim Riaz Choudhary started their non stop verbal duels.

Back in her mind, she was wondering who was Sidharth & Asim among the two of them. Even as they were been pacified by others and in midst of it Atul would speak out which would evoke no response. 

Somehow the meeting ended and as she moved towards her desk she felt Rahul was more of a Asim as he was aaraaraar damn irritating as Salman Khan would say in Big Boss season 13. He would constantly push everyone around to get his work done and would poke endlessly to make his point.

As she sat at her desk, Jyoti grabbed a chair near her and said "Aaj toh kuch zyada hi ho gaya, Atul sirf suno suno karta rahegya" "Chhod na Asim aise hi hamesha poke karte raheta hain" Radhika replied.

"Asim"?? Jyoti said looking at her amusingly. "I am talking about Rahul". "Yes, Rahul only. He reminds me of Asim from Big Boss". 

"Big Boss??" Jyoti questioned. "You dont watch it? this season is good. I am also watching it for the first time only". She said.

"Yaha pe apne masale sulajhte nahin aur tu big boss dekhte hain, wah wah" Jyoti laughed and went away. 'Masale', that is the word that Mahira Sharma would use in the show Radhika recollected.

As she deep dived into her work, her attention was again broken by the raised voice of Rahul. She could see Rahul poking Manoj at his desk while some choose to ignore, others tried to intervene.

She looked at them wondering who they would be, had they been on Big Boss. One by one she was able to relate them to the remaining contestants Paras Chhabra, Rashami Desai, Shenaz Kaur Gill, Mahira Sharma & Arti Singh. 

Manoj had to be the Sidharth Shukla as he was the one who would always have logical answers & would be there for this team.

Happy that she was able to find her big boss within her own department, she went back to her work. 

Minutes later, her eyes went wide as she thought of herself and the character she will play on the show and who would be Big Boss?

Realization dawned on her that she would be the "camera" as she would see everything but would only show what she wanted to. That is what happens when one is second in command.

"Atul has called us both in his cabin" Rahul said to Manoj as they both walked towards it. 

Hearing it Radhika smiled and got back to her work. The mystery of Big Boss stood resolved.

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