Quote Un'Quote

Life is Unfair
Everyone Struggles
Let's Not Make That An Excuse

July 3, 2009

Unwanted





Bharat never thought he would be seeing this day in his life. He was lying on one of the beds of the old age homes. He lay awake in the endless night wondering how he ended up here.

His own daughter Veena had thrown him out of his house saying that she could not afford to take care of him anymore and that she had her own children to take care off. Her husband had left her and it was him who brought back her to his place and encouraged to work.

Finding himself on the streets he called up his only son Vijay who had settled abroad who suggested that he better take shelter in the old age homes. Not once did he say that he would try to resolve the issue or that he could stay with him.

With the help of his friends, he found himself a place to sleep at night in one of the old age homes. Though retired, the 63 year old decided to take up an accountant’s job to fend for himself.

As he closed his eyes, tears kept flowing down through his face as he tried to sleep with troubled thoughts haunting him…

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This story is actually based on a news piece that I came across. This is just one of the realities of our lives where when people get old they are thrown out on the streets by their children or left at old age homes as they cannot or don’t want to take care of them. No section of the society is untouched by this phenomenon.

What I fail to understand is what prompts this decision even when they are aware that it’s wrong and how they go on to justify it. Parents go on to make sure that their child gets the best of everything they could provide, so what changes the relationship between the children and parents when they grow up?

My best guess is that as children get more involved into their lives they tend to become detached to parents who are less involved. Then they just start treating them like any individual they come across without giving a thought what they had done for them (Their normal justification would be, they are suppose to do that).

My question is what should a parent do to make sure that they are taken care of in their old age? The problem is that at most times one can not do anything about it. Coz when one is raising a child that is not the question that haunts them, its only when they reach a stage in their life where the tables are turned and the children need to take care of the parents, that they come to know how successful they were as parents.

At the most, parents can make sure that they make a will and do not disclose about it any other member of the family and avoid transferring properties in the names of their child if the children don’t treat their parents properly.

What such adults do forget is one day they are going to finding themselves in the same situation and who knows they could find themselves at the mercy of their own children…

19 comments:

Shruti Mukundan said...

am a first time visitor to ur page but u can expect regular visits from me hence-forth :)

i really liked the topic u took up.. even i keep wondering how ppl can ever be so heartless to leave their parents on streets.. i mean they r ur parents danm it! they made u what u r.. how can anybody even think of leaving their hand! but then maybe when we get into such shoes n realize the real situation, then things wil b more clear. am sure no one in this world wil ever want to leave their parents so helpless, but then still if ppl do it, there must b sum reasons, we r not aware of!

Chriz said...

yus.. we should take care of our parents.. touched.. really touched..

Shwetz said...

hmmm... we all highlight such factors! But what I would like to say is-this is not always true. Come on, parents are a part of us. We live them... No one is a burden on another. This is a Family. No one abandons family. :)

And people who dare to take such stupid steps, will pay for their deeds-today or tomorrow :) They shouldn't forget that one day they are going to stand in the same place where their parents are right now.

PS: This is one reason I respect and like Sooraj Barjatya's movies. They teach about family bonding :)

Miss Kido said...

I don't understand how people can actually make up their minds to get their parents admitted in old age homes!!! Shame on such children!!!

A very touching post...

Have a great weekend :)

Winnie the poohi said...

*sigh* I cannot u\s or justify this ever!

How selfish can one get ? :O :O

sujata said...

We should take care of our parents sure but not expect our kids to take care of us. Its always better to save for the old age, and to book an old age home in advance and go and stay there with dignity. At times having a flat also proves useless as most of the time one of the spouses is left behind while the other passes away, during that phase living alone in a flat is quite an unwanted situation. I think old age care and facilities should be made available wherein people can book a place and live in peace with ppl their age and not be dependent emotionally or monetarily on kids

Choco said...

A very deep post Survivor...

So little is said about the plight of old people in our country. The government does not support them and if they have no one to care for they are out on the streets. They really are.
I know a few old women outside a Kali temple in Cal who have children but have been thrown out. They are living out the rest of their lives by begging and watching the shoes of the pilgrims...
Sad isn't it how our society values success, money, fame and beauty over values itself?

Love your thought series though...Very touching...

Rakesh Vanamali said...

Am touched beyond words and imagination having read this post which is a very detailed and deep account of not just the person mentioned here but also the many people whose plight is the same!

It is s shame that children do not take care of their parents who have spent a lifetime of energy, will and resources to make them who they are!

The government should look at enacting a legislation that compels children for providing for their parents! This has to be made mandatory!

Ashwadhy said...

My first visit and am glad I came.
Its so sad to see, how self centered and self involved our community has become. Hope reallization dawns soon!
I like the way you write. Waiting to read more. :)

Kanupriya said...

Very thoughtful post...what these kids fail to understand is that tomorrow even they will get old and even they can face same situations in life. I really pity the mentality of such kids who forget what all parents have done for them. Though I understand that in today's scenario, maybe a joint family system is not possible in most of the cases but then I'm sure there can be a middle level step as against extremes like parents staying in old age homes.

Adisha said...

Its horrendous that people let this happen. But it's a natural and heartless phenomenon these days to take parents for granted ...

♪♪HARINI♪♪ said...

well, think that parents should not only love the child, but also make the child love them.. but usually, a child's parents aren't the child's most favourite people on earth. the child, can't survive on their own when they are young so they spend all their lives waiting to get separated from their parents. and the day they can finally stand on their own feet, all the bitter memories take own their decision and hence the parent is thrown out.. cos you can pick your friends, but not your relatives..

makes sense?? i dont think anyone would agree with me, but thats what i feel about this.. :)

by the way, you have a great blog here :)

Dr Riya said...

nice post.. i really wonder why people do this to their parents... how on can anyone think of all this.. parents love us witout any expectations.. n they really care for us..this post is a reminder that we should never forget our parents...
nice blog!!!!

The Survivor said...

@ Shruti

Welcome to LIFE

Thanks. I don't think there can be any justified reasons behind such actions.

@ Chriz

Thanks Mate.

@ Shwetz

A Sooraj Barjatiya fan :) hmmm..

@ Kiddo

Thanks. I did had a great weekend :)

@ Winnie

Beyond my understanding

The Survivor said...

@ Sujata

Easier said than done especially in Indian society.

@ Choco

This is a sad reality that exists..

@ Rakesh

Thanks Mate. There is actually such a provision in law wherein the child has to look after his/her parents and they can always file a case if they are ill-treated. I guess not many are aware of such law.

@ Ashwady

Welcome to LIFE

Lets hope so. Thanks :)

@ Kanupriya

Thanks. Lets hope there can be...

@ Adisha

Very True!!

@ Harini

Welcome to LIFE

Thanks. I understand what you are trying to say, but wont it be selfish on the children's part to not do their bit when their parents are depended on them?

@ Dr. Riya

Yeah, we should never forget what our parents did for us.

Deepali said...

Well I use to wonder the same thing but the truth is that not everyone shares a great relationship with their parents and priorities in life change.

I am not saying its the right thing to do or anything, just that different people live different lives.

Anyways whats interesting is I was at this conference long ago with these teenagers from America and over there the family system is quite different where parents usually stay on their own once kids can live independently and we were talking about how different cultures are in the East and West especially on this front. And he said (not verbatim - haha I would love to have a brilliant memory like that but this is the gist) - It's just a way of life My father expects that I will leave their home. And I will expect the same of my children when I grow old. My dad would just want me to provide a good life for my children, like he has for me and this (the expectation to give your kids the best) keeps continuing with every generation.

Anyway I think people need to start planning for their own age. Instead of leaving everything for their children or at least giving it away, they need to have a proper retirement plan in which they can figure out how to live on their own. If their kids are not going to take care of them (the parents) they should at least be able to stand on their own feet and earn enough to live their life rather than expect their parents to give them everything they (the parents) own.

The Survivor said...

@ Deepali

That's true but that does not justify the act of not looking after parents especially when they are in their old age and most vunerable

Things are changing in the west too, the young men that used to venture out to live on their own are back to living with their parents as they could not afford to live on their own.

Its a good concept of the west where the children become independent and learn the tricks of life but at the same time I believe it alienates them from taking complete responsibility of their parents.

I do agree to that thought, its kind of hard to say when one's children might turn against them even when they brought them in the best possible way.

♪♪HARINI♪♪ said...

the survivor,
well they could take care of them give them a house to stay in, looking after them but without staying with them, just doing their duty.. everything but if they wish to maintain that distance, i wouldn't blame them

The Survivor said...

@ Harini

Yes they could!!