The Year 2011

The year 2011 is coming to an end with only a week to go. What a year this has turned out for me.

The month Jan brought some good news to me something that I have been running away from a long time and it was only after pushing myself that I went ahead and did what I was supposed to.

Somehow things were still in a fog as I choose to lay low instead of doing what I know the best. The year has been a mixed bag. Still there are certain things that I yearn to being fruitful but that just got carried away for the next year. Let see how that goes.

It’s interesting to know how I realize that the more you are desperate about certain things/situation; the more you will find yourself in a greater mess. Things take time to come on its own and I think patience is the only thing and to keep trying is something that keeps one going.

I would say this year has been all about spiritual/philosophical growth for me as I understand that life is always going to be a mess no matter what you do or how you want things to be.

Chaos in life is something that one cannot run away from. It’s going to stay there in one form or another. What needs to change is the way we respond to it.

Everyone wants good things in life but the truth is life is unfair and no matter how hard one thinks they deserve better, one has to somehow face the reality of the truth someday.

So my mantra of life has changed these days, it’s like chaos in life is going to be there but one needs to learn how to handle it and let it go when things are not in control. It’s like a freeway where one is traveling at a high speed with other cars zipping by. Be sure to know where one needs to take the turn and halt, to take the journey of been on the road again.

I used to consider myself as a optimist for a very long time but sooner that I realized that I am actually turning out to be a pessimist and to be honest it actually helped me more than trying to hope that being positive helps and face the reality of life in a better way.

I know when I write this down it seems like I am facing a battle with life or something very bad is going on. That’s certainly not the case. Life intrigues me. It’s just that sometimes words have the power to make you think in a certain way even though the intention is not the same. So if you are reading this don’t get sad or disappointed, the writer of this post is doing good and yes you can certainly send across your messages and gifts to keep him happy J

Real friends are hard to make in latter life. It’s all about give and take. I have lost of the count of crushes that I had this year. I guess there were certain chances that I could have built on, but I did not. When it comes to the matter of love, I find myself in this position:

“When I meet a girl I try to make her think I'm Joey, at d end of conversation I feel I'm like Chandler & she thinks he is boring like Ross”.

I always thought it was the British who ingrained this thought of caste and religion in our minds so that we would fight among ourselves instead of fighting for the freedom for the country. I guess I was wrong when I saw discrimination of a new kind which was not even based on religion or caste. One should really see the people taking advantage of the same. It’s bad.

Hope the year has been good to others too as it was to me (even though there are a few things that still has to be ticked off). Let us live in the present and enjoy the moment right now instead of trying to live a future which as always remains uncertain…

Wish everyone a Merry Christmas and loads of luck and love in the coming year of 2012.

Tall Guy Signing Off………..

Finally Free

Free is what he felt as he looked at the ceiling and smiled.

His whole life flashed before him as he saw the traces of his failures to get back up on the ground and live a normal life and find an acceptance within the society.

As his vision became blurred, he could only reminisce the good times he had and the regret that he let his family down.

The only thing he felt was the release of his soul from his mortal body as his eyes saw the world for the last time, even as drops of blood dripped on the ground from his wrist.

Lying beside him was his goodbye note stating that he tried hard to feel that he felt belonged but did not and so bid adieu to the world……..

Atithi Devo Bhavah

Standing in the long queue for an autorickshaw a blonde, white skin guy stood among them. A little boy passes through the line and seeing him standing in the queue, turns back and says "Hello, How are you? smiles and walks away.

Just as the line was moving ahead, two auto drivers approached the guy and tells him that the other auto driver will leave him at his destination, as they talked about the price the guy felt staying in the line made much more sense.

"Don't go with them, stay in the line" a female voice said to him as she stood ahead from him in the queue.  "Where do you want to go?" she asked. He blurted out the place name. Hearing that she looked straight in the queue and as the line kept moving ahead at a snail pace.

Out of nowhere the girl makes an appearance in front of the guy and says "This is the wrong queue and you should be catching the auto from the other side. I was trying to get an auto for you" The few bystander standing in the line respond that he will get an auto from here. Dissuaded the girl moves back to her place and as her turn comes to get in the auto, she turns back and wishes the guy "Bye, Happy Journey" even as the guy looked on and smiled away.

P.S.: This is something that I saw today and must say the fascination for foreigners surely goes on the top. I am not sure what the girl was trying to do, hope she did not get inspired by the ads of Atithi Devo Bhavah.....

Love Happens, Errr Make It Happen

Ravi knew he had the hots for her when he saw her the first time but never did he brought his feelings for her out in the open. His eyes would look at her now and then.

Somehow instead of making a move, he shied away from accepting his feelings even though she would be the one sitting right in front on him and he was not good at hiding them.

His eyes would move, every time she makes a move, and there were times when they both found looking at each other. He wondered if she knew about it as he thought women were intuitive on such things.

Then there was the day when she was walking behind his back and turned around and looked towards him,  their eyes met and she smiled. He wondered if this was a sign or was the idea of falling in love was taking over his mind.

Still he did not made a move as he thought they were poles apart and instead left it in the hands of fate, if it was meant to be it will. Every day from there on he watched her from a distance then be with her in her arms....

P.S. They say Love Happens, but I think there are times when one needs to make it happen instead of waiting it to happen. What do you think?

Anger

His nostrils flared out the heavy air outside as his eyes shot up with fury. Inside there was the volcano of emotions waiting to erupt but on the outside it was kept on hold, no matter what he felt inside he could not let it out as the fire would have engulfed him too.

His face apparently said it all what he was trying hard to hide. In the end it was indecisiveness that let to the anger to subside wondering what would have happen had if the fire was let loose on the outside.

P.S: This is very different from what I normally write in fiction, so your feedback will be appreciated :))

Taking a Step Back

Hardly any time for myself these days. Not that I enjoy it but yes it does leaves me wondering what I am doing?

I guess everyone remembers my rants of being a workaholic and guess what it still give me a high then again it’s something that I have cut back on.

One of the things you might find surprising is that I actually waited for around six years to do something that I wanted to do so badly.  The reason for not doing was that I was too busy with my own life to reach my goals which apparently is still on the works.

I am going to be honest that I am a man of ambition or more like passionate about the things that I do. I guess I am starting to realize that a 9 to 5 job is not for me. Just because one is suppose to earn for a living. Need to be at a place which gives you that satisfaction and also pursue other things in life. I know it’s a hard one to find.

Other than that, I realize that I have a tendency to hold myself back. Its silly that sometimes even when one their facts, they still end up doing the same thing in such situations. I am not quite sure what need to be done here.

Uncertainty in life is one thing that I have hated the most. I realize that one cannot do anything about it, that sometimes even when you do the right things, its not necessary that everything could work out. I guess its better to go with the flow of life then keep asking question of why’s and what’s which never gets answered….

I know that the post might be a little gibberish but that’s how I feel right now. Sometimes been all by yourself is not such a bad thing at all.

P.S. Surprised that my post on Childhood is one of the highest viewed post on this blog, glad you all liked it so much.

Calling Her

Varun looked at the number in his cell phone and wondered if he should call her up. It was almost 3 years that they knew each another and had recently exchanged numbers in the hope of talking to each other.

He knew her for such a long time as an online friend that he forgot how they had become friends. He remembered everything what she liked, disliked and secretly wished to fall in love with her.

Staring at her number, he wondered what it would be like to connect with her in real life rather than living in the fantasy world where she was the princess of his dreams and he her knight in armor.

The thought of making the contact had him in jitters. He knew he would love to meet her in person and relive his dream but was afraid of his dream being broken into pieces. What if they were not as good as they wanted to be, what if they did not liked each other as they thought they would have?

He looked at the number and asked himself should he take that chance or live the dream that he has been living on happily?

He looked at the number and pressed the dial button not knowing what it was going to be as the phone started ringing and the voice on the other side “Hello”…

The Virus Incident

You are going to read about “The Virus Incident” so make sure that you study the above image with care to get a better understanding.

Here are some pointers:

Area 1: The site where the incident occurred
Area 2: The site that could have been exposed to the virus
Area 3: Confidential. You will come to know of this later.

For Your Eyes Only

This happened when I was new to my job and was still getting familiar to the working environment. It happened to be the night shift and apparently there was no work. So after having fun, everyone decided that it was time to get some sleep which happened to be “Site II”. The lights were dimed creating a sleepy atmosphere. Still I was awake, never had the tendency to fall asleep at work even when I did not had a proper sleep.

I decided to surf the net which happen to be the “Site I” place. I was very high on forming an alumni association of my college back then so I found myself landed on such a site and even connected with some of my school friends then. This was the age when there was no Orkut or Facebook around.

I decided to write an email to one of my school buddy who had replied me back on that site. Along with me was a friend who was standing on the chair and observing what I was upto.

As I was writing back to him, I heard a hoarse voice saying to me “You are not supposed to do that”.

I turned around to find a tall, healthy older guy wearing glasses standing behind me telling me that you are not allowed to access emails. Given my ignorance I told him that I was not accessing any email accounts and that the desktop that I was using was specific for internet uses only.

Still I was told to close it which I did as I thought that the guy was from the IT dept. By then my colleague had gotten up from her chair. As the murmurs grew louder, one of the guys from the “Site II” was awaken. I must mention here that there were some people who had developed an expertise in sleeping on two chairs that too moving ones. A mystery that still puzzles me.

The next thing I know is that I heard a singing voice oblivious to the situation that was going on. I turned around to find it coming from “Site III” where a colleague who seemed to be in his own world singing a song loudly. Both I and the other fellow were watching him, wondering what the hell he was up to.

If that was a sight, then it just got better as I saw the person who was awaken from his deep slumber crawling towards the red chair in full sight of the other guy. He reached toward the red chair and tried to awaken the girl who happened to be our shift supervisor.

All this while there was a pin drop silence as he made his attempts to awaken her and succeeded. She got up and then spoke to the fellow and then we came to know there was a virus issue in one of the departments. He wanted us to check if the anti virus program was up to date in all the workstations. Once that was started he left.

Next thing I know, I was being hailed as a hero. The girl who was there with me told the other people that it was because of me that he did not came to the “Site II” or else everyone would have been in big trouble.

Guess who the guy turned out to be. He was not an IT guy but the vice president of the company. Apparently he could access any department, ours was a biometric access. We never came to know when he came in given that I was seated next to the entrance. The thought in my mind was what the hell he was doing in office in the middle of the night.

Then again, nothing feels better than been hailed as a HERO.

Astrology, Puja & Tantriks

I am a strong believer of Karma. As you sow so shall you reap. Still there have been times when I have not seen the same happen. It may take time to for one to pay for their bad deeds, but it will happen. Makes me wonder why I still believe in Karma?

In an Indian family, like a family doctor there will be a family astrologer whose advice is always seek before doing anything. Sometimes people approach them with silly questions like “whether my son will pass with distinction or not?”

I don’t follow astrology much but my family does. Recently it so happened that I was the one who also took part in the ritual of seeking advice of the astrologer regarding some issues. I have never done that before but just to seek clarity, I went ahead. At the end of the conversation with the astrologer, I was asked if I was satisfied. I was not but you cannot say that on the face right?

I still take a very bleak view of what they say unless they start making bang on predictions. Some people follow it very blindly and even take the advice given too seriously. If life could be so easily predicted why the hell people would have still problems in their life?

Then there are pujas that are needed to perform to appease the gods or get rid of some doshas that can be seen in your horoscope. This again makes me wonder; can by doing a puja; things will change for the better? I remember pujas being conducted to appease the rain gods so that there will be good amount of rain downpour which did not happen.

It more looks like the case of satisfying one’s mental thoughts that by doing such rituals, things will improve. Even when they don’t work out people still don’t lose out on their beliefs. Should that be considered as smart or just being plain dumb?

Also heard about people visiting tantriks so that things could work their way or trying to influence people. These are very much part of reality and is quite scary too. If god is supposed to be the ultimate power, who gave these people the right to mess with it and what is god doing about it, for people who have been affected by the same? If you ever head down south in India, these are very much part of people’s lives.

I was even told to wear certain gemstones as a kid and have never done that. It makes me wonder if by wearing a gemstone, can I stop the effect of something bad that is going to happen. There are many people out there who can be seen wearing them. Don’t really know if it makes the difference or not.

Do you think they give us the clarity that we need or is it just better to take life as it comes no matter what?

Marriage Blues

A couple of weeks back; I got mobbed by my relatives who were hell bent on seeing me getting married.

I am not sure what is wrong with people as soon as you reach a certain age; the only thing in people’s mind is to see you get married.  Does not matter what you want to do in life or not, you should get married first.

I guess its tough for girls more than the guys especially women who are career oriented.  I somehow manage to dodge the bullet that day.

To come to think of it, I don’t think I am ready to get married even though I like the idea of settling down.  Don’t know what makes others to settle down except the need of a companion or it could be just plain sex.

I think I am not ready to take the responsibility of someone who will be moving away from her home and making my place her home.  I know that my thoughts might sound cliché but those are my thoughts on marriage.  Man taking care of his wife.

Also one of the other reasons being the fact that there are so many things one needs to accomplish in life. Don’t know if marriage fits into the bill?

I wonder if these are jitters of being in a stage where you at the point being getting married at some point.  Then again it’s only after marriage one will know where they stand.

So did/do you had/have any marriage blues?

Emptiness

Do you ever feel the void that reflects the emptiness within you when you are lost in your world?

I have felt that emptiness within me more than once. I wondered if it was saying something to me or was it just mocking me that we are alone no matter what we have or where we are.  Always wondered if others felt it too and how they dealt with it?

I have done stupid things to get over the emptiness and yet it stays within me.  There are times when it keeps me sane, be myself.  Yet there are times when I simply want to get rid of it.

The emptiness also reminds me of a poem that I read during school days where God gives everything to man that he wishes but the one thing that he does not give is “peace”.

No matter what we do, we achieve its only temporary.  At the back of our mind, we always feel that we could have done better, deserve more and hence not always content with what we receive…

Busy :(((

That’s how my life has been for the last few weeks.  Not that I have been complaining, except for the sleep perhaps.

One of the funny things that I noticed in the recent weeks is how easy it is to create a bad image of someone even though the person never did any such thing.  Gossip is said to be past time of girls but I think some of the guys can beat them on that.  I can vouch.

My name tally went up to the count of five.  People do silly things when they take decisions emotionally.  I was one of them and now I see someone else.  Taking a decision is not the hard part, but standing by it is the hardest.  I guess they are lucky that I am around which I was not. Let’s hope they could see light at the end of the tunnel and not do anything stupid.

I think I found my Jaya Badhuri and she, her Amitabh Bachanan. Then again it would only result in pain for both of our necks.  Par dooriyan aanewale hain, aur waqt bahut kam hain. (The time left is few and there is going to be distance).  So I don’t think anything is going to happen :(

That’s it for now, will post later…

Fate/Destiny

If someone would have asked me a few years back, if you believe in destiny/fate I would have said no and that it’s in everyone’s hands to shape their future.

Today things do stand different and if I was asked again the same question, I would say yes there is something called destiny/fate. It can make or break your life, can make your dreams come true or shattered at the end of the day.

I have seen a few people fate change. People who have rode high on their luck and some who could go any further as luck was not with them. Don’t really know how fate works but most of the time it comes across as unfair.

Look at the case of Priyanka Chopra who became Miss World in 2000 in spite of giving a wrong answer. Her question was “Who do you think is the most successful woman living today and why?” Her answer was Mother Teresa who had passed away in 1997. Now don’t you think it was unfair for others that they lost out for answering correctly and the one who won had got it wrong? The winning of the crown acted as a stepping stone in the Hindi Film Industry and she did well to capitalize on her opportunities.

The worst that fate had in store of was for Charles Goodyear who lived in the peril of poverty till his death. His invention (vulcanization of rubbers) made the rubbers more durable and it gave him nothing except tragedy. Saw a documentary on him that made me wonder, whether it was all worth it? And yet in the end, success did not come the way it should have…

One wonders what constitutes fate and makes it work the way it does. Sometime no matter how hard you try you still don’t get what you want. Then you see someone who does not even put an ounce of effort and yet they get what they want without really doing anything. Makes one wonder what is good karma and bad karma?

Sometimes, I do wonder if they are ways of testing the people. Then again why the people who work hard to get what they want are put to test and left disillusioned, while the people who put the least effort have it easy and get to eat their cake too. Isn’t that unfair?

No one can understand what happens the way they do. I guess the only thing one can do is to keep trying for what they want.

Are You Living It?

Have you ever stopped doing what you do and wondered about the life you live?  Are you doing what you wanted to do and did ever look back and thought “I miss doing that” or look at where you stand now?

I believe everyone of us must have done this at some point of their life where they wonder about the path life takes them through.  Somehow as we grow older, it’s our experiences good/bad that makes us wiser and at times change our attitude too.

What we become is part of the experiences that we go through and how we face it shows our attitude.  Have you ever given a thought that after you graduate, start earning what meaning does life holds?  Is the next big thing to happen in life is to earn more money, get promotion, marriage, house and have children to have a complete picture of life.  

Is this what living life is all about?

What about pursuing dreams that no one understands but matters us the most?  What about breaking barriers that always stops us from going to the next level?  How about disappointing others and fulfilling our own needs?  Things one thinks a lot about but never do it.  Things that we desire but don’t’ pursue is like cheating yourself of the life that one should live.  It’s better to look back and say “I tried” than wish “I could have done that”.  In life it’s never too late unless you think it is.

So are you living the life that you always wanted?

A Question

I don’t know if you guys remember about my rants about how I hate being in situations where I have to be dependent on others and they don’t even care how it ends up.  Apparently I have fallen in these situations many times and most of the times it has happened out of choice.

It made me think, if there was a reason why I ended up in these situations? Am I suppose to don the superhero’s cape and come out of the situation winning?  In any given situation one needs to know what needs to be done but if one has to depend on a third person (who don’t really make attempts/care of the outcome) to get it done then it’s really tough to come out winning in such situations.

Its’ like you know what you want to do but you cannot exactly do it because you are dependant on other people to take care of that.  I am at my wits end on how one should come out winning in such situations.

Any thoughts to share?

Let's Talk

Imran was having his coffee in a café when two girls walked through the door.  The one in the grey t-shirt dragged the girl in a blue salwar by holding her hand.  As Imran looked up, his eyes met her eyes and sparks flew.  He could sense his heart beat getting faster as they passed by him.  It took a moment for him to realize what happened.

He turned around to have another look of the girl in salwar and again their eyes met.  The girl in grey picked up her cell phone that she had left there.  As both of them were leaving, Imran kept looking at her hoping their eyes could do the talking but she walk past him and left him speechless, wondering what a conversation it would have been had they talked.....